Today I would love to share a beautiful blog posting by Randy Buckley from het blog page on : http://www.randibuckley.com
A Love Note to the “Hyper-Sensitive” and “Takers-of-it-Too-Personally”
by Randi
This post is inspired by a Facebook query and conversation with
the deeply insightful and thoughtful, Erika Harris. If this speaks to
you, I encourage you to check out her website and gorgeous offerings. Thank you Erika for your grace and bright light.
They say: You’re too sensitive. You take it too personally. You’re thin-skinned. You need to toughen up.
I hear: I have no idea how in touch with the world
you are, nor can I grasp the depths of your empathy, from which I
benefit. It’s like you can see colors that are naked to my eye. You
carry the awareness of others, of those far away, those unseen, in your
heart on behalf of us all. You are the torchbearer of the forgotten.
You bear the weight of other’s pain so they have a lifeline into the
rest of humanity. You are a barometer for how we are doing as a
species. I can’t imagine the space you hold for others to show up and
feel cared for and acknowledged even when no one else can see that it’s
you doing this. You take on my share of pain when my words sting you.
You bear witness so that we know, so we cannot forget. Your mere
presence is equanimity. Your energy is generously used in service of
your ability to intuit and sense even the most subtle change in weather,
perspective, mind or heart. I’m not aware that your sensitivity can
cause you physical pain. You are a canary in the coal mine of our
culture, and are wrecked by violent movies, news of pain, and
mistreatment of fellow humans, animals, and the earth. If I knew the
depths of your consideration I’d be humbled and inspired. I didn’t see
or have the consideration that you are a gift and could be treasured.
Your light is omnipresent. I don’t know to pay attention. I don’t understand, even though I am the beneficiary of your grace.
I say:Thank you, friend. Rest and take care. We need you.
Some time ago I was lucky enough to discover a book called, The Introvert Advantage (How To Thrive in an Extrovert World), by Marti Laney, Psy.D.
It felt like someone had written an encyclopedia entry on a rare race
of people to which I belong. Not only had it explained many of my
eccentricities, it helped me to redefine my entire life in a new and
productive context.
Sure, anyone who knows me would say, “Duh! Why did it take you so long
to realize you’re an Introvert?” It’s not that simple. The problem is
that labeling someone as an Introvert is a very shallow assessment, full
of common misconceptions. It’s more complex than that.
A section of Laney’s book (page 71 through page 75) maps out the human
brain and explains how neuro-transmitters follow different dominant
paths in the nervous systems of Introverts and Extroverts. If the
science behind the book is correct, it turns out that Introverts are
people who are over-sensitive to Dopamine, so too much external
stimulation overdoses and exhausts them. Conversely, Extroverts can’t
get enough Dopamine, and they require Adrenaline for their brains to
create it. Extroverts also have a shorter pathway and less blood-flow to
the brain. The messages of an Extrovert’s nervous system mostly bypass
the Broca’s area in the frontal lobe, which is where a large portion of
contemplation takes place.
Unfortunately, according to the book, only about 25% of people are
Introverts. There are even fewer that are as extreme as I am. This leads
to a lot of misunderstandings, since society doesn’t have very much
experience with my people. (I love being able to say that.)
So here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts (not taken
directly from the book, but based on my own life experience):
Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk. This is not
true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They
hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are
interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.
Myth #2 – Introverts are shy. Shyness has nothing to
do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of
people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for
the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start
talking. Don’t worry about being polite.
Myth #3 – Introverts are rude. Introverts often don’t
see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They
want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not
acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to
fit in, which they find exhausting.
Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people. On the
contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can
count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an
introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for
life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance,
you’re in.
Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public. Nonsense.
Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also
like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities.
They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t
need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home,
recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial
for Introverts.
Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone. Introverts
are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot.
They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve.
But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to
share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere
connection with ONE PERSON at a time.
Myth #7 – Introverts are weird. Introverts are often
individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued
for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of
that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions
based on what is popular or trendy.
Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds. Introverts are
people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their
thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying
attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner
world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.
Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun. Introverts
typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places.
Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is
too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are
too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and
Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.
Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts. A
world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists,
musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers,
and philosophers. That being said, there are still plenty of techniques
an Extrovert can learn in order to interact with Introverts. (Yes, I
reversed these two terms on purpose to show you how biased our society
is.) Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their
natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one
study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts
increases with IQ.
“You cannot escape us, and to change us would lead to your demise.” <-- I made that up. I'm a screenwriter.
It can be terribly destructive for an Introvert to deny themselves in
order to get along in an Extrovert-Dominant World. Like other
minorities, Introverts can end up hating themselves and others because
of the differences. If you think you are an Introvert, I recommend you
research the topic and seek out other Introverts to compare notes. The
burden is not entirely on Introverts to try and become "normal."
Extroverts need to recognize and respect us, and we also need to respect
ourselves.
Under the names Sir Millard Mulch and Dr. Zoltan Øbelisk, Carl King has
recorded or performed with Devin Townsend, Marco Minnemann, and Virgil
Donati. His 2005 album, How To Sell The Whole F#@!ing Universe To
Everybody... Once And For All! was co-released through Trey Spruance of
Mr. Bungle's Mimicry Records. It was named as one of the top musical
moments of 2005 in The San Francisco Bay Guardian. He is a pioneer
drum-programmer and is endorsed by Toontrack's Drumkit From Hell
software. The highest and lowest points of his music career were having
lunch with (and then failing an invite-only bass audition for) Steve
Vai. Carl has written for mental_floss, INK19, and 2600: The Hacker
Quarterly. He lives in Los Angeles and has never owned a car.
Along
with her success as an actor and musician, Mandy Moore has experienced
emotional challenges including depression and sensitivity.
“A few months ago I felt really low, really sad.
Depressed for no reason. I’m a very positive person, and I’ve always
been glass-half-full. So it was like someone flipped a switch in me.”
She says her recent split with Zach Braff “added to what I was going
through, but it’s not the complete reason. It definitely doesn’t help if
you’re already in that place.”
Moore, at 22, also spoke of some of the existential issues she is exploring:
“I’ve been going through this really crazy time in my
life – it’s what I imagine people fresh out of college go through. I’m
asking myself life-altering questions, like Who am I? Where do I fit in
this world? What am I doing, what do I want to do? Am I living to my
full potential?” [Jane magazine, Feb 2007]
Gifted and talented people are more likely to ask those kinds of
questions, and may experience feelings discussed in the article Existential Depression in Gifted Individuals,
by James T. Webb, Ph.D. As he notes, “existential depression arises
when an individual confronts certain basic issues of existence.. [such
as] death, freedom, isolation and meaninglessness.”
Mandy Moore has commented in earlier interviews about her sensitivity:
“I’ll cry at anything, even a tissue commercial. I’m
overly sensitive. It’s so easy to hurt my feelings.”
[allstarz.org/~mandymoore/]
“I’m extremely-extremely sensitive. I can cry at the drop of a hat.
I’m such a girl when it comes to that. Anything upsets me. I cry all the
time. I cry when I’m happy too.” [absolutely.net]
“I’m really overly sensitive. I get my feelings hurt very easily, and
sometimes I just cry for no reason, and I hate that.” [malaya.com March
21 2004]
Many people equate high sensitivity with exceptional ability. But in her article The Highly Sensitive Child (and Adults, Too): Is Sensitivity the Same as Being Gifted?,
Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. writes that in her experience, “not all highly
sensitive people are gifted. That is, at least as adults, many HSPs are
not expressing some talent in a way that others would recognize as
outstanding.” She also notes high sensitivity occurs in 15 to 20 percent
of the population, but a smaller percentage are considered gifted.
But sensitivity is a trait shared by many highly talented, if not
gifted, actors and other artists like Moore, and may be part of what
makes them so creative.
If you are a cheery soul whose glass always seems half full, you can thank your parents.
You will probably be pleased to learn some of us are born optimists who have inherited a 'happy gene'.
The finding may help to explain why some people are always miserable while others tend to look on the bright side.
Professor Elaine Fox at Essex University
showed more than 100 people positive and negative pictures on a
computer screen, such as growling dogs and smiling children.
Using a revolutionary computer based therapy, she was able to measure which ones they concentrated on.
Volunteers
supplied a sample of their DNA and they were tested to see which
version they carried of the 5-HTTLPR gene which affects levels of the
'feel-good' chemical serotonin.
We inherit either two 'short' versions, a long and a short versions or two 'long' versions of the gene.
Those
with two short versions of the gene managed to focus on the positive
images and avoid getting upset by the negative ones, according to the
research published online in Biological Psychiatry.
Strangely
this 'short' version of the gene is the same one which has been
associated with making people feel anxious and depressed and it suggests
these people have a'very emotional' response to their environment.
Professor Fox said: 'When times are really good, it is those with the highly reactive short genotype who really benefit.
'They were very response to positive
images which suggests they will thrive in a supportive environment, but
previous research shows they can also go under, and will be particularly
devastated by a traumatic experience. 'It
suggests these people are very susceptible to emotional aspects of
their environment. Those with the long version are less reactive which
means that they often fare best in fairly benign conditions but they
perhaps would not gain as much from a good experience.' The researchers described the finding as a mechanism which seems to explain our levels of resillience to life's general stress. The results could be used to determine appropriate therapy for people recovering from traumatic situations. Professor Fox added: 'If a person's genotype is identified, the correct therapy can make all the difference to recovery.'
Who are the children, really? Many of our ideas about children are
rooted in the same kind of fear and beliefs that form the artificial
division between people of different races, gender and religions...the
belief that those different from us, are less than, or in some way, so
different, that we tend to marginalize, dismiss and patronize them, if
not out loud, then in our thoughts. These attitudes are not naturally
occurring in children or us. They are taught.
What would it take to step out of our adult/parent roles and
beliefs, to see clearly who children are behind their size, age and
appearing to be, disturbing behaviors? We were children once. We
noticed how the adults in our lives knew little about who we were, what
we knew or how we felt. . It wasn’t that they couldn’t, they just
didn’t know how. They too, were following rules and beliefs they had
learned.
If we were fortunate, we had at least one adult in our childhood
that recognized who we were completely: able to connect with us beneath
our size and age. We can be that for all the children we know and live
with now
It is ONLY fair and just that children be seen as whole, exquisitely
sensitive, wise, highly perceptive human beings that are no less, nor
more than the bigger, older people in this world. As we free the
children from our fears, we free ourselves. .
Source: http://freethechildrenblog.blogspot.com/ - Bruce Scott
I have always had an insatiable curiosity.
I am able to run my mind on multiple tracks at the same time.
I learn rapidly and retain / apply what I learn.
I tend to be very independent.
I tend to be less motivated than others are by rewards, bonuses, and praise.
At times I have asked embarrassing questions or rudely pointed out truths at the wrong time.
My preference for the complex can fool me into underestimating the simple answer.
I like to refine and improve others' innovations.
I feel comfortable with a wide range of emotions.
I can see many sides to nearly any issue.
Honesty, integrity, and ethics are important to me.
I can help others understand themselves better.
I am a seeker and champion of ultimate truths.
My nervous system is easily aroused, and I am able to discern the slightest changes in my environment (aromas, shifts in light, etc.) or detect irritants (e.g. scratchy sweater label).
I can feel along with and for others.
I set high standards for myself and for others and am my own worst critic.
I tend to look for consistency and security in systems, rules, and orderliness.
I am often considered a "driven" person. I have maintained my childlike sense of wonder.
I am intent on searching out universal truths.
I am deeply disturbed by inequity, exploitation, corruption, and needless human suffering.
I can and do work myself to exhaustion.
Some people think I'm too serious.
I have always been interested in social reform.
I value and will defend diversity.
I have a strong need to "make a difference."
I have a penchant for risk-taking.
I can and do ignore my own needs for the sake of others.
Let's face it—we've probably all fallen prey to a psychic vampire, possibly without even knowing it. It may have been a chance encounter with an energy predator that left us temporarily exhausted, or possibly along-term vampire interaction with serious wear-and-tear effects on the mind and body.
Psychic vampirism is alive and flourishing in the world today. As consumers of energy rather than blood, vampires of the psychic kind exist in many guises but with one common trait—their own inadequate energy system compels them to tap into and feed upon the energies of unsuspecting host victims. The immediate results of such a one-on-one vampire encounter are anew but temporary surge of energy for the psychic vampire and a serious loss of mental and physical energy for the unsuspecting prey. If you suddenly feel emotionally or mentally depleted, you may be under attack by a psychic vampire. The unfortunate effects of prolonged energy loss are damage to the energy system itself and in some instances, serious illness.
As consumers of energy rather than blood, psychic vampires, like their folklore counterparts, can be men orpsychic vampires women, young or old. They can be tween, teens, or adults. They can be professionals in business suits, wealthy dot. comers, dapper CEOs, ultra-groovy rock stars, or construction workers in hard hats. They can be a business associate, next door neighbor, or even family member.
Long before the popularization of folklore vampires as blood-thirsty villains who sucked life-sustaining blood from their prey, psychic vampires as energy-sucking predators were common. There's strong evidence, in fact, that vampires as consumers of energy were the trailblazers that actually inspired the legendary version of vampires as consumers of blood. An early example with clear fingerprints of psychic vampirism is the Biblical account of Delilah's cunning seduction of Samson in which she vampirized him by cutting his hair, the source of his strength. Even the Biblical version of creation in which God breathed into man the "breath (energy) of life" and then took from him a rib (of energy) to create woman illustrates the transferable nature of life-force energy. That give-and-take make-up of energy is even more dramatically illustrated in the Biblical account of the woman who, upon touching the hem of Christ's garment, was infused with energy while Christ simultaneously felt the energy leaving his body. On a very broad scale, psychic vampire themes were common in many primitive cultures that routinely used rituals to embolden and energize their warriors while simultaneously demoralizing and enfeebling (vampirizing) their enemies. Even today, military strategies often include an excessive show of force—such as shock and awe—to demoralize and dispirit (vampirize) the enemy.
Early Encounters
In my early childhood, I first became aware of psychic vampirism through a distant relative who claimed to have discovered the secret of living forever. A world traveler, she had studied under several far eastern scholars who, she claimed, taught her how to communicate mentally, travel out-of-body, and extract life-force energy from nature, including trees, streams, and even rocks. But among her most remarkable claims was the ability to mentally extinguish fire by drawing rejuvenating energy from it.
One of my most vivid childhood memories was a festive dinner party at her mansion during which she stunned her guests by demonstrating that amazing skill. Upon taking her place as hostess at the head of a very long table graced by three large candelabras, she commented on the room's excessive light. To the astonishment of everyone, she then leaned slightly forward and mentally extinguished five of the six candles in each candelabra!
Intrigued by her extraordinary claims of power and having seen many of them demonstrated, I began to suspect that she extracted energy not only from nature but from people as well. I finally collected the courage to ask her privately whether she drew energy from people. Placing a hand on my shoulder, she answered, "Well, of course. How else could I live forever?" Although I admit I was left wondering whether to believe her, I suspected that among her preferred energy sources were the well-developed young males who made up her household staff. She remained in excellent health and incredibly youthful in appearance until she finally crossed over during sleep at the age of 101.
Psychic Vampirism in the Laboratory
With these distant childhood experiences still etched in my mind, I welcomed the opportunity as Professor of Psychology at Athens State College (now University) to lead a study investigating the human energy system. The year-long study, which was funded by the US Army Missile Research and Development Command, identified several important characteristics of that system. Of particular interest was the finding that the physical body's central energizing core and its surrounding energy field, commonly called the aura, are each influenced by the presence of others. Using aura photography along with visual observations of the aura, the study found that the auras of couples whose interactions were positive tended to complement and energize each other, with each aura becoming brighter and more expansive. Conversely, negative interactions tended to constrict the aura and actually induce a state of mental and physical fatigue. When constrictions occurred in the aura, intellectual functions became slower, short-term memory declined, and physical strength decreased by as much as 50 percent.
A later study funded by the Parapsychology Foundation of New York not only confirmed the findings of our earlier research, it showed that certain persons were highly skilled at deliberately tapping into and directly feeding upon the aura of others. By draining energy from another person's aura, these so-called psychic vampires not only deplete the aura's energy resources, they interrupt the capacity of the aura's central core to generate new energy, particularly when the interaction is prolonged. Consistent with our earlier findings, direct observations of the aura as well as aura photographs taken before and after a psychic vampire interaction showed the victim's aura becoming severely de-energized and constricted following an attack while the vampire's aura became energized and expansive. I was reminded of my aunt's claim of deliberately drawing energy from others, a claim that now seemed considerably more plausible.
My more recent studies uncovered even more vivid evidence of psychic vampirism and its effects. Both visual observations and aura photographs revealed ominous tentacle-like structures extending outward from the vampire's aura during an attack to puncture and draw energy from the victim's aura. As expected, such onslaughts dramatically expanded the invading vampire's aura but seriously dulled and constricted the host victim's aura, a condition that often lasted for days. Even more seriously, vampire puncture wounds to the aura often required weeks to heal. (As an important footnote, all observations and photographs obtained throughout our studies were with consent of informed volunteer subjects, most of whom were college students. Both observational and photographic assessments obtained during an actual psychic vampire interaction were obtained from couples who were in an on-going relationship. All participants in our vampire studies were offered counseling and provided instruction concerning the use of appropriate intervention and protection techniques.)
Although the human energy system is indestructible—it is literally the soul of our being—its capacity to generate the energy required for daily living can become severely impaired. Long-term, continuous psychic vampire attacks can have devastating consequences that reach far beyond damage to the energy system. Like the host victims of their blood-sucking counterparts, victims of recurring psychic vampire assaults can become—dare I say—psychic vampires themselves in a desperate effort to replenish their lost supply of energy.
Protection Techniques
Fortunately, highly effective strategies are now available to prevent a psychic vampire attack, or once it's underway, to promptly end it. These laboratory tested strategies can also promote healing and repair damage to the energy system resulting from long-term vampire assaults. They can even be used effectively by psychic vampires provided they are motivated to overcome their energy addiction.
One of the most effective protection procedures known is the Finger Interlock Technique. Developed in our labs, this technique is easy to implement, and its effects are instant. To begin this technique, simply bring together the tips of your thumb and middle finger of each hand to form two circles. Then, bring your hands together to form interlocking circles while envisioning your body enveloped in a bright sphere of impenetrable energy. Finally, relax your hands and simply affirm, "I am now energized and fully protected." This simple, inconspicuous technique requires only seconds and can be used almost any time or place. With practice, you can use the finger interlock gesture alone as a cue to instantly activate the effects of the full procedure.
A former student who found herself under a psychic vampire attack during a job interview used the Finger Interlock Technique to instantly end the attack and gain control of the interview process. She was offered the position at a salary that far exceeded her expectations. She attributes her successful interview to the simple Finger Interlock Technique.
Aside from its effectiveness as a psychic vampire protection procedure, the Finger Interlock Technique has many other useful applications. Overcoming stage fight, improving memory, and promoting positive social interactions are all within its scope. You can use the technique to induce instant relaxation during important examinations, public presentations, and conferences, to list but a few of its many applications. A former student, now a practicing attorney, attributes his admission to law school largely to his use of the technique during the entrance exam. The technique, here ported, effectively reduced his stress level and stimulated his recall of important information. Because the technique is so inconspicuous and easily executed, it has become popular among public figures including actors, politicians, performing artists, and TV personalities. If you observe their hands, you will notice many of them using the simple finger interlock gesture.
That old and trusted stand-by, the quartz crystal, has almost unlimited potential as a psychic empowerment tool. Throughout my career as a college professor and practicing psychologist, I've found that almost everyone is responsive to this tool. Because of its receptivity to programming, the crystal is an excellent tool for such personal goals as losing weight, quitting smoking, promoting career success, and even slowing aging (See my book Rejuvenation: Living Younger, Longer and Better). My students have used this tool to raise their grade point average, gain admission to graduate school, and get the job of their choice. One of my former students successfully programmed the crystal to find the love of her life! I've used the crystal to get research grants and introduce parapsychology into the college curriculum (a first in Alabama). The phenomenal success of the International Parapsychology Research Foundation, which has funded student scholarships and psychical research, is largely due to crystal programming.
At a personal level, I've found the quartz crystal to be unsurpassed in its capacity to protect against psychic vampirism. For that purpose, I recommend the Crystal Protection Procedure because of its capacity to erect an outer protective shield around oneself that renders any vampire attack harmless.Once the crystal is appropriately programmed and then kept in close proximity to the physical body, the protective shield remains in place to provide constant protection. The procedure is particularly effective in protecting against prolonged exposure, such as when a psychic vampire may be living or working right alongside you.
For this procedure, you can use a crystal already in your possession, or you can select a fresh one from an assortment. When selecting a crystal from an assortment, first state your goal of complete protection from psychic vampirism, and then slowly pass your hand, palm side down, across the assortment. Select the crystal that seems to stand out from the others, and while holding it, note your interaction with it. If the crystal does not seem appropriate for your stated goal, repeat the process until you find a receptive crystal. Not infrequently, the crystal in an assortment that first commanded your attention is ideal for your present use.
Once you've selected a crystal, deprogram it by briefly holding it under cool running water and then letting it air dry on a towel. To install the new program, simply hold the crystal in your hand, and while gently stroking it, invite it in your own words to be your empowerment partner by working with you to neutralize and defeat psychic vampirism in whatever its form. To save the program, simply say, "Please stay."
The Finger Interlock Technique and the Crystal Protection Procedure can be used separately or together to provide constant protection from psychic vampirism. Everyone can benefit from the use of these procedures. I use them regularly and make it a practice to teach them to my students and patients because of their effectiveness in promoting a sense of security and well-being by erecting an impenetrable sphere that envelops the full aura. You can view this interesting phenomenon called the halo effect around your own aura by first holding your hand, palm side outward, at arm's length, and then while viewing your hand against a neutral background, slowly expanding your peripheral vision. Finally, let your eyes fall slightly out of focus, and you will see the aura around your hand as a colorful glow surrounded by an outer halo of bright energy. (As a footnote, this technique can be easily adapted to view the aura of another person. For that application, see my book Aura Energy for Health, Healing, and Balance.)
Many Faces and Unsuspecting Guises
As already noted, psychic vampirism comes in a variety of unsuspecting guises. We see it all to commonly between individuals as one-on-one vampirism, but feeding on the energies of another person is only one of its many forms. For instance, anyone who exploits a lover, spreads malicious rumors, ruins a reputation, or betrays a trusted friend is a psychic vampire.
On a much broader scale, psychic vampirism can occur in a vicious, collective form as sometimes seen among organizations that feed on prejudice and hate, or corporations that blatantly vampirize their employees through deception and greed. Narcotics trafficking, organized crime, and so-called "ethnic cleansing" along with discrimination based on age, race, gender, or sexual orientation are examples of collective psychic vampirism on an alarming scale. In its most widespread collective form, psychic vampirism can exist at a global level. Reckless pollution of the environment, irresponsible disregard for endangered species, and exploitation of the globe's natural resources are examples of global vampirism that affects everyone and literally puts the future of the planet at risk.
Finally, it may seem hand to fathom, but psychic vampirism can occur in a self-contained, parasitic form that turns inward to feed upon oneself. In that internal form, the person ironically becomes both vampire and victim. Examples are such flagrant consumers of our energies as phobias, obsessions, and compulsions that can hover over us like monsters waiting to devour us.
One of my patients, a 22-year-old art major, when asked to draw a picture of his fear of heights, drew a lifeless figure of himself being held in the claws of a giant monster. His drawing vividly depicted the over powering vampire nature of his fear.
In my past-life regression studies, parasitic vampirism was often found to be related to some painful, unresolved past-life experience that continues to hound us in this life. Here are a few examples drawn from college students:
Deep insecurity and fear of abandonment were reactions to being an outcast and homeless in a past life.
Fear of enclosed places resulted from having been buried alive in a past life.
Fears of rats, spiders, and crawling insects were associated with imprisonment in an infested dungeon in a past life.
Fear of heights was associated with having fallen to one's own death in a past life.
Compulsive overeating was associated with a past-life of extreme hunger and stealing food to survive.
Stage fright and fear of crowds were reactions to death by public execution in a past life.
In a remarkable example of parasitic vampirism with threads of past-life origin, a 22-year-old student's fear of sunlight, along with the compulsion to wear dark shades even when indoors, was a reaction to past-life torture in which his eyelids were cut away and he was left to die in the desert with his arms bound behind his back.
Incredible as it may at first seem, our case studies found that knowledge of the past-life sources of parasitic vampirism was often sufficient in and of itself to overcome this plight. In many cases, phobias, obsessions, and compulsions with a very long history were instantly extinguished through a sudden flash of new knowledge.
One of the great teachers of all time summed up the power of knowledge this way: "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. "Knowledge remains perhaps the most powerful force in the universe. Among our greatest challenges is finding new knowledge and applying it to empower our lives while making the world a better place for all. Who could argue with that?
Joe H. Slate PhD Joe H. Slate PhD
Joe H. Slate is a Licensed Psychologist in private practice with a Ph.D. from the University of Alabama and postdoctoral studies in hypnosis and psychosomatic medicine at the University of California. He is Emeritus Professor of Psychology at Athens State...
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A highly sensitive child is often bright, articulate, creative, and insightful, easily able to tune into other people and their feelings. She may display a deep sense of empathy and compassion for other people. Perhaps she is a budding artist, a future novelist. And yet, she is also clingy and whiny, sometimes bossy and demanding. Sometimes she's all of these at the same time! She throws long tantrums over seemingly minor issues - shoes that feel "funny," familiar cereal that suddenly tastes "different." She shrieks furiously when you leave her with a babysitter, even one she knows well, grabbing desperately at your legs as you leave. Her teachers complain that she is "scattered" and seems to pay attention to too many things at once. It's no wonder that parents of such youngsters feel frustrated, helpless, angry - under the thumb of a mercurial, moody "prince" or "princess," as some describe their children to me.
To help you understand this child, let me walk you through how she may look and behave at different stages of development. You may recognize many features of your child. Of course, every child is unique, and you may see only a few similarities. If you are feeling discouraged, rest assured that I will soon discuss ways to approach your child's challenges.
The Sensitive Baby and Toddler
A sensitive infant is often colicky, finicky, irritable, demanding. She may cry almost constantly for the first year of her life (or so it may seem to an exhausted parent) and want to be held continually. The normal activities of infancy - sleeping, eating, diaper changing - can become early battlegrounds between parents and baby. One seven-month-old girl I saw screamed in fury if her mother put her down for the briefest instant. She fell asleep only when her mother or father rocked her for an hour or longer. Several times each night she woke up crying and needed to be rocked back to sleep. She hated having her clothes changed and would even squeal indignantly when her parents removed a dirty diaper. Breastfed, she furiously resisted taking a bottle, and she angrily pushed away spoonfuls of rice cereal and bananas when they were first offered. She cried when the vacuum cleaner made noise or if her older siblings were loud. When she learned to crawl, she simply used her newfound skill to scurry over to her mother and cling to her leg, rather than venturing out to explore the world. She fussed when her mother tried to interest her in toys and threw temper tantrums when her parents tried to put her in her playpen. "I feel like the prisoner of a tyrant in my own home," the baby's weary mother told me.
These sensitive infants find the emotional skills that we expect them to master in their first year more difficult to learn than do other babies. Ordinarily, babies begin learning to calm and regulate themselves in their first few months and, at the same time, remain interested and engaged in their environment. They also learn to relate to people in a warm, trusting manner - by gurgling and cooing as they study their parents' faces, for example. Especially gratifying to most babies is the ability to let their parents know what they want through vocalizations and gestures (reaching up to be picked up, pointing at a desired toy, and so on). But such goals can be elusive for a baby who is overly sensitive. New people, sights, sounds, smells, and the results of her own exploration and initiatives (touching daddy's rough beard, for example) easily overwhelm her and make her cry.
As a toddler, the very sensitive child often continues to be demanding and clingy. Once she has mastered a few words, she may resort to whining. "Mama, mama, mama," she may say over and over again as her exasperated mother tries to untangle her arms from around her legs so she can work. She throws monstrous tantrums if her parents try to leave her at daycare or with a babysitter. Now, her parents' sleep may be disrupted by her shrieks as she wakes up at night feeling scared. New situations upset her, and she may avoid playing with other children, shaking her head stubbornly and bursting into tears if a parent tries to lead her over to a group of other toddlers who are happily rolling toy trucks and banging toy drums. She may act aggressively, but more out of fear than defiance: she may bite or hit other children who come too close, for example, or pinch a child who tries to take away a toy. She may not like to be held or carried in a certain way.
Rather than become more assertive and organized as she grows, by taking her father's hand, for example, and leading him over to the cracker box, she may whine and passively expect daddy to guess what's on her mind and get it for her.
As she approaches the ages of two and three, when children ordinarily start to engage in lots of pretend play with each other and begin to expand relationships beyond their parents and siblings, the overly sensitive child may be cautious, fearful, and clingy. She may not be comfortable in expanding her fantasy life, even though a full fantasy life is very important at this stage of development. She may feel cautious about exploring certain themes in her pretend play, such as coping with aggression. Her dolls or action figures may always kiss and hug, but never fight or tussle with each other, for example. Or the dolls or action figures may fight, but then the story line may disappear: she may simply bang her dolls and toys together in what looks less like pretend play and more like a direct discharge of energy.
As she learns more words, she may start talking about her fears, telling you about the witches under her bed or the monsters in her closet. Fear and shyness inhibit her from making friends, and she is very frightened of children who are more assertive than she is. When parents leave for work or an evening out, she may shriek hysterically, "Mommy, no go!" or "Daddy, come back!" even though she is familiar with her daycare center and acquainted with her babysitter.
The Sensitive Preschool Child
As she learns to string her emotional ideas together into emotional thinking, which we ordinarily begin to see at about the age of four or so, the highly sensitive preschooler may have elaborate explanations for some fearful or scary feelings.
"I know the robbers are going to come get me as soon as you put out the light, and I won't stay in my bed," she may argue. "Leaving the light on will only let the robbers see where I am!"
The sensitive child's fears appear to be growing because she is able to use logic to build bigger sand castles in the sky. With enhanced logic, she may seem even more tyrannical, insisting that she will be safe only if you do everything she wants.
As your sensitive preschooler begins to approach the school-age years and becomes even more articulate, her bossy, demanding behavior takes new forms (the sensitive child is, after all, usually very verbal). "You didn't buy the right cereal!" she may yell indignantly as she glares at her bowl of Cheerios from the newly opened box on the breakfast table.
"Honey, it's Cheerios, the same as always," the parent replies.
"But the box is a different color! And they taste different. I want the old Cheerios like you always get!"
And so it goes. "My new dress feels yucky!" she may say. Or, "These socks pinch my feet!" "This sandwich hurts my mouth!"
New experiences may cause her all kinds of concerns, and she may be quite articulate about her fears. "If I go to nursery school," your four-year-old may argue, "that boy Kim will hit me and he will take away my teddy bear until you come get me!" She may worry that "bad things" will happen to her parents and may threaten and whine if she is taken to a babysitter's house. "If you go to work and leave me at Mrs. Farwell's house, I will be sad forever!"
As you can see, infants, toddlers, and preschoolers each convey their sensitivities in their own special way. Seemingly in no time at all, the clinging, fussy baby turns into the passive, avoidant, fearful toddler who, as she acquires the "gift of gab," develops ideas, stories, and plots that elaborate this same sensitive core.
At this point, some readers are undoubtedly saying, "I've had enough. What can I do about it?" But let's continue our journey through the school years. It will give you a fuller picture of our sensitive child - a picture that will enable us to discuss strategies to help her overcome her special challenges.
The Sensitive School-Age Child
At the ages of five and six, children ordinarily move through the "world is my oyster" phase, experiencing a sense of grandeur about themselves and a bold expressiveness. A highly sensitive child may immerse herself in the rich fantasy life of this phase, but then constantly scare herself. As a result, she can seem moody, self-centered, and demanding, throwing lots of tantrums. She may imagine herself as powerful as daddy, for example, but later convince herself that a thief is going to come into her room and hurt her. So she demands that you stay with her for the night. Or, after pretending to be Ariel saving the underwater world from the mean witch, she may refuse to go to bed, saying that she is scared of the dark. She may even begin to develop new fears - of escalators or high places, for example.
At this stage, a sensitive child may try to avoid fantasy and feelings of power altogether. She may be too fearful to elaborate or even create fantasies and be passive, scared, and shy. She may be obedient in many ways, clearing her dishes off the table and putting away her toys, but she may then put up a fuss at going to a new playground or making new friends.
In school, the sensitive child may be a quick and eager learner, absorbing with her keen attentiveness everything the teachers say, do, or expect. Or, on the other hand, the sensitive child may be overloaded at school because of the number of people, the variety of sounds, and the complexity of beginning to learn so many new things.
As this child turns seven and eight, if she is secure enough to take her family for granted, she moves more fully into the rough-and-tumble world of peer relationships. But she may become overwhelmed by the complex "politics of the playground." Unable to negotiate these, she may feel defeated. "Katherine hates me! She won't pick me for the kickball team!" Or, "My teacher doesn't like me. I put my hand up and she looks at me funny and the answer goes right out of my head, and then she thinks I'm just a big dummy."
Some sensitive children may choose to avoid playground politics altogether. They may stay on the periphery, watching the recess-time basketball games and jump-rope competitions from the sidelines of the playground. Such a child doesn't participate in the jockeying for friends that other seven- and eight-year-olds engage in. She becomes very distressed when a child she particularly likes won't play with her or makes fun of her, and she sometimes feels so hurt that she decides it is better to be done with the whole thing. She may talk to her parents about her loneliness, or she may hold it in. For many parents, watching their child in such a situation can be very painful!
Sensitive children are unusually vulnerable to feelings of embarrassment and humiliation. They may feel very angry at people who make fun of them. Mild teasing that other children take more or less in stride ("Jeffrey wears goofy shoes!" or "Ashley's hair is funny") is intensely painful to some sensitive children. "No one likes me," one eight-year-old told me sadly. "Everyone hates me. I'm a bad person."
As they get closer to the age of ten, children become more able to balance the peer group pressures with an emerging sense of themselves. But the overly sensitive child may have had such a hard time negotiating the politics of the playground that she is still focused on her peer group, struggling with the hurts or embarrassments, or finding a better way to sit on the sidelines and not jump in.
In order to be able to develop her own internal values, a child needs first to master the issues of the peer group. As the child moves ahead intellectually, dealing with the more abstract issues of what she is like and what other people are like, we may see the struggles she is undergoing very vividly. The sensitive child may wrestle with a desire to be more independent and yet be so wrapped up in the day-to-day squabbles of the peer group that she has little opportunity to explore the world inside her.
One moment she may say, "I shouldn't care what someone thinks of me. I know I'm a good person - lots of people like me." And the next minute she is saying, "Mommy, will you talk to Vanessa's mother and make her play with me?" or "I know what I'll do. I'll ignore her and she'll have to come talk to me!"
Even when the sensitive child is making progress in negotiating the many stages of development, parents may find it especially baffling that their child varies so much in day-to-day mood and outlook. That is because sensitive children, like all challenging children, have a wider range of behavior than more easygoing children. One moment they can appear mature, respectful, empathetic, compassionate. Then, later that day or the next day, they are crawling under tables, whining, clinging, throwing tantrums, and bossing everyone around. Parents often feel that they are on a roller coaster with their child, in an unpredictable "ride" of shifting moods and behavior.
Parents might find some reassurance in the realization that while they can't predict how their child will act from one moment to the next, they can predict that there will be a large variation in the child's mood. They might remember the old story about the king who told his wise men that he would cut their heads off unless they found him something that would make him happy when he was sad, and sad when he was happy. After struggling for months, their lives hanging in the balance, the wise men presented the king with a ring with a message. "This, too, will change," it said.
This insight will be reassuring when a sensitive child is in one of her more infantile moods, but not reassuring when she is being mature and helpful! But the awareness and expectation that her mature mood will also change can help parents avoid being too shocked or disappointed when, once again, they see that their child hasn't "gotten over it," or they realize they haven't mastered "the problem."
Over time, this range of behavior can gradually shift to higher and higher levels. Her "best" behavior, over time, can become better and her "worst" behavior can become not quite so difficult. But keep in mind that this is usually a slow and gradual change.
How It Feels to Be a Sensitive Child
Think about all the ways that our senses can give us pleasure and open us up to the world. We are soothed by soft strokes on the cheek, cheered by a friendly arm around the shoulder, uplifted by the exhilarating sound of a marching band. We enjoy the clean scent of freshly washed clothes, and we smile at the bright face of a clown.
These sensations, however, are entirely different for the highly sensitive child. A friendly touch might feel harsh to her. Certain sounds may seem to come out of a bullhorn. Certain smells seem oppressive. Even bright colors can overwhelm.
Imagine how you would feel if, for example, you attended a rock concert after staying up the previous night consuming cup after cup of strong coffee. The sound would probably grind right through you, while the flashing lights and crowded bodies would be bewildering, overwhelming. Many overly sensitive children feel this way every day, as if they have little barrier between themselves and the rest of the world. They feel as if things are happening to them, rather than feeling that they have much control over their life.
These physical sensitivities take many forms. The sensitive child may dislike being tickled or cuddled. Walking through a crowded school hallway or playground is daunting because it means brushing up against so many bodies. Deep voices or loud machines can set a sensitive child's teeth on edge. Even a mother's voice can be irritating.
Some children are sensitive to movement in space. They may dislike sensations that children ordinarily love - the fast rush down a slide, pumping higher and higher on a swing, whirling around a merry-go-round.
Some children are oversensitive to certain sights, although this particular sensitivity isn't as common as sensitivity to touch or sound. These children almost see too much: they are so aware of what they see that they become frightened or overwhelmed. They sometimes react to just part of a visual image, rather than the entire image. For example, they may be frightened by a clown's face or a cartoon figure because they focus on just part of it-the big red lips or nose, for example, or the bright orange hair. They are unable to view those features as part of something that others see as comforting and funny.
Because sensitive children are so tuned into sensations, they tend to experience the world in little pieces. They see the details, but miss the big picture. Such a child may, for example, look at a picture and describe the details first. "I see a tree with pink flowers, and another tree that doesn't have any flowers," she may say, "and a red-and-white tablecloth on the ground. And four people are sitting around the tablecloth." In such a manner, the child pieces together what the picture is about: four people having a picnic in the woods.
In school, these children may do well in subjects that involve grasping details, such as vocabulary, spelling, and language skills. But subjects that are more abstract, such as scientific concepts or math, may cause them difficulties. Sometimes they may feel so confused and overwhelmed in class that they appear to be learning disabled, although they may be quite capable of grasping the material.
The highly sensitive child tends to be very perceptive, sensing every nuance and subtlety of her world. "Molly looked at me funny today," eight-year-old Fanny may inform her parent about a friend who threw her a quick glance during social studies. This child is also very sensitive to the feelings of others; she can "read" other people through their expressions, their body language, the voice tone. However, because she is so perceptive, she can sometimes be too affected by the moods and feelings of others. Adults who have such traits often say they wish they had "thicker skin."
A tendency to get lost in the details further intensified by a challenge they have in dealing with spatial concepts may mean that certain children get lost easily. Not being able to figure out distances easily, they feel less secure than other children, and panic easily when their parents leave them. An ability to picture spatial concepts is also an important component of any "big picture" thinking - seeing how the pieces fit together in a particular situation (or life in general).
In addition to spatial difficulties, the overly sensitive child can also experience motor-planning challenges - that is, the skills that are required to carry out a series of action sequences, such as putting on socks or remembering a nighttime routine of brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, and kissing mom and dad goodnight. This challenge can be very perplexing to parents, because their son or daughter otherwise seems so bright. The problem may be so severe that a teacher may raise questions about attention problems, or even the possibility of medication.
So if your child has a "gift of gab" and can stay on the subject while talking, but gets lost when she has to do anything that involves a sequence of movements, the difficulty may be a very circumscribed part of a motor-planning problem. Your child is well organized when operating in an area of strength, but may appear disorganized when dealing with an area of vulnerability.
Some sensitive children are overstimulated not only by outside sensations, but also by internal forces as well - that is, their own emotions. They experience their feelings very intensely. Such a child may throw herself on the floor sobbing when she is sad, jump up and down and scream when she is happy, and shriek and pound the walls when she is angry. Never is there a middle ground: no pleasure is merely mild, no irritation is slight, and sadness is felt as despair. She may also complain of sore muscles, stomachaches, and other pains. Because of her sensitivity to internal experiences, puberty may be especially troubling because of all the new sensations and stirrings of her body.
The foregoing profile is a broad cluster of ways that sensitivity commonly manifests itself in a child. Not every boy or girl who appears cautious and fearful has these sensitivities. And not every child with these physical sensitivities comes across as cautious and fearful.
Along
with her success as an actor and musician, Mandy Moore has experienced
emotional challenges including depression and sensitivity.
