Using Your High Sensitivity Personality As an Actor

Winona Ryder admits there were times when she thought, “I’m too sensitive for this world right now; I just don’t belong here.
“It’s too fast and I don’t understand it.”
Many artists, including actors, are highly sensitive and use this trait to be even more creative.
But it can also lead to being emotionally overwhelmed, if you don’t take care of yourself.
Everyone has some sensitivity to inner experiences and emotions, to the moods of others, and to many other sensations.
But highly sensitive people have unusually strong awareness and reactivity, and are more likely to be shy or introverted – not that those are the same traits.
..
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It can show up in many ways, and actors have different ways of dealing with their high sensitivity.
 
Renee Zellweger says when she expresses something, it’s through the filter of her character, so she never feels exposed. She thinks of making movies as “private experiences” and avoids thinking about disappointing people.

By the way, I am not presuming to label anyone here as a highly sensitive person (HSP) as described by Dr. Elaine Aron and others.
But many talented actors have identified themselves as highly sensitive, or at least talked about their sensitivity, including Ellen Muth; Heath Ledger; Amy Brenneman; Mandy Moore; Alison Pill; Naomi Watts, and Brittany Murphy, who once commented, “I’m a very oversensitive, vulnerable person. You have to be to do this for a living.”
“I get emotional all the time,” Jennifer Beals once said. “Every now and again, my heart just explodes and expands.”
Laurel Holloman, her castmate on the tv series “The L Word,” has commented, “My theory on that is all the best actors have a couple of layers of skin peeled away.”
Scarlett Johansson has noted that sensitivity can have a dark side: “I think I was born with a great awareness of my surroundings and of other people. Sometimes that awareness is good, and sometimes I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.”


One way to help yourself is to look at how you describe your feelings.
Are you “too sensitive” to work effectively or be with people who are more “normal” or less sensitive?
Acknowledging yourself as being highly sensitive may help your self concept and confidence much more than saying you are “too much” something or other.

Fame can be an assaultive experience for sensitive people. Johnny Depp has said he felt so intimidated by his celebrity status during his early career that he was often drunk to “be able to speak and get through it.”
But fame can also be strengthening, as Kim Basinger explained: “Because I’m such a shy person, having to live it out loud in front of everyone has made me a stronger woman, so much stronger, that it’s been a gift to me in a way.”

Shyness is a common experience for many highly sensitive people, including actors.
Nicole Kidman has commented, “It was very natural for me to want to disappear into dark theater, I am really very shy.
“That is something that people never seem to fully grasp because, when you are an actor, you are meant to be an exhibitionist.”
Jane Fonda admits she didn’t get over her shyness until she was about sixty.
Evan Rachel Wood says, “I used to not even be able to order pizza on the phone because I was just so shy.”
She thinks acting allows so much to come out on-screen, “because that’s my time to let go in a safe place.”

Frances McDormand has talked about the “mental scar tissue” that helps us deal with emotional pain in life, and thinks, “An actor’s scar tissue really never covers over things the same way, not if you’re going to be sensitive.
“With good technique, an actor can do that and walk through life without going insane.”
One strategy she suggests is to simply get away from the theater or the set, and live life in the real world, not a fantasy world – especially one like a film set that can be designed to be emotionally intense.
The stage or film set can be a “safe place” in many ways, and a workplace environment where sensitive people can express themselves much more freely than in the “real world” outside.

But wherever you go, sensitivity does not disappear.

From The Inner Actor.com site

5 Intuitive Warning Signs About Your Health

Dr. Orloff - Tuesday, July 12, 2011

If you want to see what your body will look like tomorrow, look at your thoughts today.
                     --Navajo saying


Your body is programmed for survival. Heeding early warnings protects your health.  Familiarize yourself with how your body speaks to you. It wants you to be well. It will tell you if you are not. Hippocrates wrote over two thousand years ago, "There is a measure of conscious thought throughout the body." This is practical wisdom you can live by.

In my book “Dr. Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing” I describe how your body is a richly nuanced intuitive receiver—and how you must be aware your body’s signals to completely heal. This may require some adjustment of how you think about health. As a physician, I’ve seen that many people are trained to function from the neck up denying the rest of their bodies. I want you to re-orient yourself, to respect the intellect, but attend to your body’s messages as well. Being aware of the body can open intuition because you’re focusing on your physicality, getting out of your head and into your sensual awareness. This may mean noticing the early signs of pain so you can act on them, trusting you gut about relationships, or awakening your sexuality. We can't afford to ignore life-informing signals your body sends. 

It’s vital to re-train yourself to override mechanisms you’ve developed to push through discomfort. To prevent illness I’m going to show you how to pay special attention to physical distress signals. Honor your body’s messages; don't discount them. Simple prompt action is sometimes all it takes. If you're tired, rest. If you're hungry, eat a delicious meal. If you're stressed, get a relaxing massage. The price of not listening? You come down with the flu; your back goes out. You still don't listen? Chest pain. Ulcers. Depression. The thermostat gets turned up until you pay attention.

To listen to your body and get a headstart on warding off symptoms get used to detecting the quieter messages your body sends. It’s important to listen to what your gut says, whether it’s tied up in knots or relaxed-- this intuition can inform all your decisions by pointing you to people and situations you’re comfortable with. Also notice your energy level around people. Does it go up or down? Your body picks up on this quickly. Try to surround yourself with positive people. This will improve your health and wellbeing. Here are some signals your body sends if it’s out of balance. Some of them you may recognize right away.

 
5 WARNING SIGNS YOUR BODY SENDS (from “Dr. Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing”)

Do you ever walk around feeling "off center"? Oddly numb? Out of focus? Detached? As if you're somehow missing a beat? How long do you tolerate this sense that your body just isn't right?

Do you sometimes feel "toxic," as if you're coming down with the flu though there are no other signs of it?

Have you experienced unexplainable symptoms that may have gone on for years? A knot or emptiness in the pit of your stomach? A lump in your throat? An aching heart?

Do you ever have a distressing sense of rawness or feeling exposed? Everything seems to get to you and you feel you have no defense?

Are you chronically tired?

If you answer “yes” to any of these questions it’s worthwhile to begin by taking a general inventory of your health and stress level. What areas can be improved upon? Examine everything from the amount of exercise to alone time to your relationships. Make sure you’re allotting enough space to recharge. Though the above changes may seen relatively minor, on an intuitive level they indicate early difficulty. To start, do your best to pinpoint and remedy problem areas.

To detect your body’s warnings, both quiet and loud, requires increasing your sensitivity to the nuances of its messages. The art of listening entails sensing smaller symptoms before they become full blown. Mindfulness is key. Denial is the antithesis of intuition. We must do what we can to get past it. As a physician, I’ve seen time and again how increasing body awareness facilitates prevention of illness and more vibrant health. Listening to your body is a powerful step towards self-care that benefits wellness in all areas.

So Sensitive: Are you tired of sucking it up?

Posted  By Cheryl Richardson

"Your sensitivity is your greatest gift.  Protect it."
 
Last night I went to see a movie with a group of friends.  I'd heard wonderful things about the story from people whose opinion I respect, and I was so looking forward to enjoying the film. 

However, within twenty minutes of watching, I made a decision to leave the theater.

I'm very sensitive to violence and human suffering and therefore my threshold is pretty low. 

I really wanted to see this movie, so at first, I kept trying to talk myself into staying. I told myself things like, "Just wait, Cheryl, I'm sure the violence will end soon."  Or, "Close your eyes through the tough parts." 

But, after several attempts to hang in there through what I imagined was the set-up of the story, I thought to myself, "Wait a minute.  I don't do this anymore.  I no longer override my sensitive nature.  Instead, I protect it." 

So I quietly said goodbye to my friends and left.

Knowing and respecting my sensitive side is an important way that I practice extreme self care (which is why I dedicate a whole chapter to this topic in my new book). 

We all have varying levels of sensitivity. 

It's the fundamental part of us that allows us to be touched by beauty, signs of grace, or intimate moments with others. 

And, it's the mechanism that provides us with an internal warning signal that lets us know when we're in situations that may be hazardous to our emotional, physical, or spiritual health.

As we grow in our understanding and practice of extreme self care, our sensitivity level rises and we pay closer attention to what we need to feel good. 

If the lights are too bright in a restaurant, for instance, you might ask to have them turned down. 

Or, if you know that you're easily wounded by harsh criticism, you might decide to educate someone about how best to give you feedback so you can learn and grow. 

While these ideas might sound a bit "high maintenance" (and certainly can be when misused or not handled in a gracious way), they're actually an indication of healthy self esteem.

This week I invite you to notice your own sensitive nature.  Are you paying attention to your needs or overriding them? 

Do you practice the art of "sucking it up," or the art of extreme self care?

Just a gentle reminder to notice, that's all ...

Take Action Challenge
 
During the week, pay special attention to those times when you push yourself to do something you'd really rather not do.

Don't suck it up.  Bow out, say no, turn around and walk away. 

Protect your sensitivity and it will serve you well!

I feel - I feel

I feel... (Ik voel, ik voel, wat jij niet voelt...) from Elsbeth van Noppen on Vimeo.

Are You A Highly Sensitive Person?

Today I would love to share a wonderful blog post by Sandra Lee

Love yourself!

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” -Aristotle

Do you find yourself highly sensitive to the physical circumstances and/or the people around you?

A few days ago, a small bird smacked into the glass panel of the sliding door in my bedroom.  This happened at another residence about eight months ago.  The first time, I was probably more traumatized than the bird.  The suffering of others has affected me so strongly all my life; it seemed to penetrate far into my being.  In both cases, the bird look stunned and paralyzed, not moving a micro-millimeter, but clearly still alive.

The first time, my husband assured me that the best approach would be to leave the bird alone and let it reorient itself.  It was an hour of pure torment for me.  The bird did indeed recalibrate itself in about an hour’s time and flew off into the wild blue yonder.  Happily, the second bird did the same.  Animals intuitively know how best to cope with trauma.  This is explained exceptionally well in the book, Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences, which elucidates how these same principles apply to the human experience of trauma.

 

Suffering and overcaring

The second time around, I was naturally concerned about the bird’s suffering, but, interestingly, I didn’t let it get under my skin in the same way.  This is due, in part, simply to knowing from experience that the bird would likely recover and fly off as before.  At the same time, I feel this is also due to a gradual process of inner change that is taking place as I more firmly secure myself through Amygdala Retraining and other means of self exploration and personal development.  Let me be clear that this doesn’t mean becoming indifferent, uncaring, or cold-hearted.   I still feel emphatic to the suffering of others, but I understand more fully than ever before how allowing it to jar me so strongly is neither necessary or useful.

Indeed, overcaring may actually be harmful.

“Is your care producing or reducing stress?”  This is a key question in the Heartmath approach, which also says:  “Excessive care, or overcare related to an issue or situation can create stress and negative emotions, so it is important for your care to be balanced.”

If you are stuck in the habit of perpetual giving, this might be a crucial question to ask:  “Is your care producing or reducing stress?”

Suffering is an inevitable part of life for all of us.  When you know and accept the reality that suffering will occur, it’s not such a shock when it actually does.  With this understanding, you can have more acceptance and clarity when suffering arises. I’ve been fortunate to meet many great spiritual masters in my lifetime.  All of them have been deeply compassionate.  Indeed, their love and compassion have no limit:  the whole purpose of their existence is to relieve the suffering of this world.  But they are not bowled over by suffering.  They don’t go into a state of personal angst if a bird flies into a pane of glass.  They are compassionate warriors—courageous, confident, determined, yet also relaxed, open, and spacious.

 

Are you a highly sensitive person?

I’ve been super sensitive as far back as I can recall.  According to Elaine Aron, 15-20% of the population is highly sensitive, possessing an uncommonly sensitive nervous system.  She says that being a highly sensitive person means:

“…you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations. It also means you are more easily overwhelmed when you have been out in a highly stimulating environment for too long, bombarded by sights and sounds until you are exhausted.”
Aron defines this not as a flaw but as an asset that you can learn to use.  She says, “If we try to live by the same operating instructions that others use, we develop all kinds of chronic illnesses, as so many of you have learned the hard way. Yet if we overprotect ourselves, our assets go unexpressed, and that can also lead to stress and illness.”

1 in 5 people are highly sensitive – an eye opening statistic!

 

Sensitized Nervous System

The evidence is mounting that a sensitized nervous system is involved in a wide range of disorders.  Wikipedia explains:

“A third type is central sensitization, where nociceptive neurons in the dorsal horns of the spinal cord become sensitized by peripheral tissue damage or inflammation. This type of sensitization has been suggested as a possible causal mechanism for chronic pain conditions.”

“Sensitization has been implied as a causal or maintaining mechanism in a wide range of apparently unrelated pathologies including substance abuse and dependence, allergies, asthma, and some medically unexplained syndromes such as fibromyalgia and multiple chemical sensitivity. Sensitization has also been suggested in relation to psychological disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder, panic anxiety and mood disorders.”

In another view of sensitization, Ashok Gupta and Annie Hopper believe that a small structure in the brain thought to be responsible for triggering the adrenalin response, the amygdala, becomes sensitized in cases of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, Chronic Pain Syndromes, and related disorders.  They respectively offer their own innovative brain retraining programs to assist people in recovering from these disorders based on the science of neuroplasticity.

 

Reducing overstimulation and retraining the brain

The first step foreword is recognizing that you are indeed a highly sensitive person.  If this is the case, it’s important to take on board that trying to live a highly stimulated, stress filled lifestyle may very well have negative ramifications for you.  From there, you can explore options for reducing over-stimulation. Elaine Aron’s books are one resource for this purpose.

It’s far better to do this early on so you can lead a sane, healthy, and happy life instead of developing chronic illness down the road.  However, if you do develop certain chronic illnesses, Dynamic Neural Retraining and Amygdala Retraining are wonderful programs to help you feel better. There are no magic pills.  You must faithfully apply the techniques offered in these programs on a regular basis to effectively retrain the brain and improve.  You need to change your fundamental way of being.  Loving yourself enough to make the commitment is part of the equation.  This is a huge step, but there’s tremendous support for accomplishing this. Be heartened!  Breakthroughs are happening in the realm of these previously unexplained illnesses.

Are you a highly sensitive person?  What steps do you take to reduce stimulation in your life?

You might also like this related articles:  Retraining the brain for CFS, FMS, MCS, PTSD, & GWS

Being Sensitive -- in an Insensitive World by Thomas Eldridge

Today I would like to share an article by Thomas Eldridge.  I love this article, especially as it was written by a man.  I have no further information on Thomas Eldridge, so if you do, then please get in touch with me as I would love to read more of his work.

All your life you thought something was wrong with you. You were uncomfortable around noise. No one understood your need to be alone. You seem to know things without being told. The good news is that you are not dysfunctional. You are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). You are not the only one; you share this trait with a small minority of the population who are referred to as shy or timid.

Overwhelming Stimuli
HSPs respond strongly to external stimuli, and become exhausted from taking in and processing these stimuli. They are born with a nervous system that may see, hear, smell or feel more than others. As adults, they may also think, reflect or notice more than others. The processing is largely unconscious or body-conscious. HSPs grow up feeling flawed, especially when loud music, crowds of people, or simply a busy day stresses them. At such times, they need quiet time alone to recover.

Childhood
Problems can begin in childhood if their sensitivities are not recognized. They can experience deep trauma, even in the womb if they were not wanted. Highly sensitive babies are more peaceful when alone. Certain people terrify them; toy mobiles upset them, rocking irritates them, and changes in weather make them restless. They may be colicky, and their digestive systems may not tolerate food that is too hot or too cold. If the needs of the baby are ignored the child becomes insecure.

Sensitive babies are also very creative and aware. They may walk early or smile a lot. As infants and toddlers they may experience sensory overload from the newness of things. When old enough, they spend time alone to regain their balance and energy.

What Works and What Doesn't
This hyper-awareness to their environment makes HSPs cautious. Any kind of change can be difficult. They are not known for their rash actions. They foresee the consequences of words and actions. HSPs can feel happy in their hearts on a joyous occasion but are unable to express it. They are seen as inhibited or unsociable. They do not like social situations and prefer having deep intimate conversations with someone one on one.

Rather than forcing themselves to fit in and be more outgoing, HSPs need to learn to appreciate their sensitivity in less stimulating ways. Developing boundaries for safety and comfort becomes important. If they are sensitive to bright fluorescent lights, chemical odors or certain kinds of people, HSPs need to use their creativity to find ways to avoid such stimuli.

HSPs often try to hide themselves. They rarely appreciate that many other people also have these same traits. Sharing quiet meals and talking about spiritual matters can become intimacy heaven. Accepting that they really do enjoy long walks in nature, rather than tennis matches, alleviates stress.

Relationships
Their tendency towards withdrawal presents unique difficulties in relationships. HSPs turn inwards for protection against what they are experiencing. Relationships of mutual respect provide a safe, consistent haven of acceptance. HSPs must be wary of being people-pleasers. A lack of self-esteem can turn into a habit of satisfying the needs of the other person. They can end up feeling overwhelmed and alone in a relationship they cannot let go of.

A sensitive person's ability to pick up subtle cues and ambivalence in the unconscious processes of the other can affect communication in relationships. Even though they can tune into what is going on, they either can't say it, or they blurt out a negative judgment. At these times, they are acting out their own past experiences of being humiliated for their sensitivities. The way out of this dilemma is to become more conscious of their habitual reactions and to take more time out to be alone. They need partners to accept this strategy. They may require an entire night's sleep to be clear enough to express how they feel about an issue.

Intimacy
HSPs appreciate intimacy. They actually prefer talking about their feelings and spirituality but often believe no one else is interested. An open and sharing relationship - preferably with another HSP - can be of great benefit in providing awareness of what does and doesn't work. This applies to both the spiritual-social areas and the physical body.

Entertainment and excitement is not what holds a sensitive relationship together. HSPs are more interested in deepening their self-awareness and never become bored of listening to their partner's dreams. A sensitive partner will notice subtle changes in the other's mood or behavior.

Food and Diet
HSPs are very sensitive to food and physical environments. Food needs to be looked at from a different viewpoint than what is promoted by national food guides. Not all foods are going to be equally tolerated by their body. Stimulating substances such as alcohol, coffee, sugar and junk food can be highly toxic to an HSP. Diets need to be tailor-made and regularly modified. There are no right diets that sensitive people can follow permanently. Their level of sensitivity is anything but static and rigid. It requires a change in attitude to accept the fascinating refinement process continually being experienced by their body/mind/spirit. Generally, simple, frequent meals work best.

Spirituality
Once HSPs stop trying to become strong and tough extroverts, they often develop a keen interest in and gratitude for their consciousness, which benevolently takes them into unexplored realms. These complex inner realms, largely avoided by others, become their individuated paths to wholeness and happiness.

 

Help Is On Its Way: A Memoir About Growing Up Sensitive

 

Jenna Forrest: People with high sensitivity are very intelligent, intuitive, perceptive, and creative. They're very diligent about caring for others and wanting things to be at peace. Where the difficulty lies is that the world isn't always at peace.

Challenges begin in childhood, when as toddlers and pre-schoolers they pick up subtle signals, thoughts, moods and other sensory energy from home, in the neighborhood, from TV or school, or from their playmates -- and they don't know what to do with it.

Confused by her ability to feel other people's feelings, highly sensitive Jenna comforts herself by rescuing dead animals and escaping from elementary school. When her parents divorce, her mentally ill grandmother moves in and her sensitive uncle commits suicide. After the funeral, Jenna begins to read the messages coming in through her senses more clearly, as comforting guidance and premonitions about love, life, people and the planet. This is a decade-long journey of a girl whose nervous system is intricately developed, leading to sensory highs and emotional lows. Every secret thought and fear of this sensitive child (ages 6-17) is revealed here. Since 15-20% of kids and adults have the trait of high sensitivity, this perspective needs to be heard. The story addresses a sensitive child/teen's anxiety, sadness, courage, and urgent desire to do good things for the world. Edited by Emmy Award winner Molly McKitterick. Endorsed by Psychologist Elaine Aron and Author, Coach Eva Gregory.

Once an anxious person who hid her highly-tuned senses, Jenna now studies, practices and teaches time-honored personal empowerment principles as an author and mentor. Since writing Help Is On Its Way - A True Story, Jenna enjoys talking to audiences about the secrets of people living with sensitivity and discussing strategies designed to overcome odds, reverse restrictive beliefs, and realize big dreams.

Book review: The Happy Introvert: A Wild and Crazy Guide for Celebrating Your True Self

 

Written by a self-confessed introvert, this fun-to-read handbook is a slightly wacky yet truly heartfelt look at the richness introverts experience in their inner worlds. Practical and guiding, it is a road map for how those experiences can be better understood, appreciated, and shared by introverts and extroverts alike.

The book dispels the wrongly held belief that introverts are victims of depression or some other unhappy state and reveals how introverts experience the usual range of human feelings, including joy and contentment. Helpful advice teaches introverts how to excel in areas where their personality is a benefit as well as how to find the inner strength to negotiate an extroverted world and stand up for themselves and each other. 

 

Elizabeth Wagele

Born in Salt Lake City, Utah. Moved to Berkeley at ten, went to Cal majoring in music and music composition, married Gus, had four children and taught piano lessons. Renee and I wrote The Enneagram Made Easy - I did the drawings too. I wanted to see if I could write a book. I like to play the piano for people and for myself. Take requests and play tunes by ear or make up Enneagram variations. Don't forget the Beethoven Enneagram CD I made. That was really an interesting project and fun to do. I like to travel too. I love my kids and grandkids. I'm always curious about something - a 5 in the Enneagram. INFP in the MBTI.

Secrets For Sensitive People To Find Relationships That Work: Why Emotional Empaths May Stay Lonely Or Alone

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s book “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Harmony Books, 2009)

Loneliness gets to some more than others. But why it hangs on isn’t always apparent when read by traditional medical eyes. In my practice and workshops I’ve been struck by how many sensitive, empathic people who I call “emotional empaths” come to me, lonely, wanting a romantic partner, yet remaining single for years. Or else they’re in relationships but feel constantly fatigued and overwhelmed. The reason isn’t simply that “there aren’t enough emotionally available people ‘out there,’” nor is their burnout “neurotic.” Personally and professionally, I’ve discovered that something more is going on.

Emotional empaths are a species unto themselves. Whereas others may thrive on the togetherness of being a couple, for empaths like me, too much togetherness can be hard to take, may cause us to bolt. Why? We tend to intuit and absorb our partner’s energy, and become overloaded, anxious, or exhausted when we don’t have time to decompress in our own space. We’re super-responders; our sensory experience of relationship is the equivalent of feeling objects with fifty fingers instead of five. Energetically sensitive people unknowingly avoid romantic partnership because deep down they’re afraid of getting engulfed. Or else, they feel engulfed when coupled, a nerve-wracking, constrictive way to live. If this isn’t understood, empaths can stay perpetually lonely; we want companionship, but, paradoxically, it doesn’t feel safe. One empath-patient told me, “It helps explain why at thirty-two I’ve only had two serious relationships, each lasting less than a year.” Once we empaths learn to set boundaries and negotiate our energetic preferences, intimacy becomes possible.

For emotional empaths to be at ease in a relationship, the traditional paradigm for coupling must be redefined. Most of all, this means asserting your personal space needs--the physical and time limits you set with someone so you don’t feel they’re on top of you. Empaths can’t fully experience emotional freedom with another until they do this. Your space needs can vary with your situation, upbringing, and culture. My ideal distance to keep in public is at least an arm’s length. In doctors’ waiting rooms I’ll pile my purse and folders on the seats beside me to keep others away. With friends it’s about half that. With a mate it’s variable. Sometimes it’s rapture being wrapped in his arms; later I may need to be in a room of my own, shut away. One boyfriend who truly grasped the concept got me a “Keep Out” sign for my study door! For me, this was a sign of true love. All of us have an invisible energetic border that sets a comfort level. Identifying and communicating yours will prevent you from being bled dry by others. Then intimacy can flourish, even if you’ve felt suffocated before. Prospective mates or family members may seem like emotional vampires when you don’t know how to broach the issue of personal space. You may need to educate others--make clear that this isn’t about not loving them--but get the discussion going. Once you can, you’re able to build progressive relationships.

If you’re an empath or if the ordinary expectations of coupledom don’t jibe with you practice the following tips.

 
DEFINE YOUR PERSONAL SPACE NEEDS
Tips for empaths to feel at ease in a relationship

Tip 1. What to say to a potential mate
As you’re getting to know someone, share that you’re a sensitive person, that you periodically need quiet time. The right partner will be understanding; the wrong person will put you down for being “overly sensitive,” won’t respect your need.

Tip 2. Clarify your preferred sleep style
Traditionally, partners sleep in the same bed. However, some empaths never get used to this, no matter how caring a mate. Nothing personal; they just like their own sleep space. Speak up about your preferences. Feeling trapped in bed with someone, not getting a good night’s rest, is torture. Energy fields blend during sleep, which can overstimulate empaths. So, discuss options with your mate. Separate beds. Separate rooms. Sleeping together a few nights a week. Because non-empaths may feel lonely sleeping alone, make compromises when possible.

Tip 3. Negotiate your square footage needs
You may be thrilled about your beloved until you live together. Experiment with creative living conditions so your home isn’t a prison. Breathing room is mandatory. Ask yourself, “What space arrangements are optimal?” Having an area to retreat to, even if it’s a closet? A room divider? Separate bathrooms? Separate houses? I prefer having my own bedroom/office to retreat to. I also can see the beauty of separate wings or adjacent houses if affordable. Here’s why: conversations, scents, coughing, movement can feel intrusive. Even if my partner’s vibes are sublime, sometimes I’d rather not sense them even if they’re only hovering near me. I’m not just being finicky; it’s about maintaining well-being if I live with someone.

Tip 4. Travel wisely
Traveling with someone, you may want to have separate space too. Whether my companion is romantic or not, I’ll always have adjoining rooms with my own bathroom. If sharing a room is the only option, hanging a sheet as a room divider will help. “Out of sight” may make the heart grow fonder.

Tip 5. Take regular mini-breaks
Empaths require private downtime to regroup. Even a brief escape prevents emotional overload. Retreat for five minutes into the bathroom with the door shut. Take a stroll around the block. Read in a separate room. One patient told her boyfriend, “I need to disappear into a quiet room for ten minutes at a party, even if I’m having fun,” a form of self-care that he supports.
  
In my medical practice, I’ve seen this creative approach to relationships save marriages and make ongoing intimacies feel safe, even for emotional empaths (of all ages) who’ve been lonely and haven’t had a long-term partner before. Once you’re able to articulate your needs, emotional freedom in your relationships is possible

---

About Judith Orloff
Judith Orloff MD, an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and intuition expert, is author of the new book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Harmony Books, 2009) Her other bestsellers are Positive Energy, Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight. Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition and energy medicine. She passionately believes that the future of medicine involves integrating all this wisdom to achieve emotional freedom and total wellness. www.drjudithorloff.com



 

Ultra-sensitive? It’s in your brain

Photorealist painting is one form of creative expression that demands a high degree of technical prowess and attention to detail.

 

The image is Tom’s Diner, 1993, a watercolor by Ralph Goings – from the book Photorealism at the Millennium, by Louis K. Meisel, Linda Chase.

A recent CNN article on “sensory processing sensitivity” reports that people with this trait “tended to have more brain activity in the high-order visual processing regions.” 

 Here is the article:

Ultra-sensitive? It’s in your brain, by Elizabeth Landau

CNN.com Health Writer/Producer

If you are particularly sensitive to the world around you – whether it’s music, caffeine, other people’s emotions, you may have a personality trait called “sensory processing sensitivity.”

People who are highly sensitive in this way tend to look and observe and process things deeply, as opposed to boldly going ahead, says Elaine Aron, professor of psychology at Stony Brook University, who helped pioneer research on the subject in the 1990s. 

Having vivid dreams and being aware of subtleties in your environment are also characteristic of this temperament, she said.

 

Now, Aron’s group has shown evidence in the brain that these people are more detail-oriented. The study is published in the journal Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience. [See abstract below.]

Researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to look at the brains of 18 participants. They found that people with sensory processing sensitivity tended to have more brain activity in the high-order visual processing regions, and in the right cerebellum, when detecting minor details of photographs presented to them.

“They are better at noticing subtle details in their environments than people without the trait,” said Jadzia Jagiellowicz, lead author and doctoral candidate in the department of psychology at Stony Brook University.

Sensory processing sensitivity has been associated with introversion, but only loosely – about 30 percent of highly sensitive people are extroverts, Aron said.

Highly sensitive people probably make good counselors and recruiters, said Jagiellowicz, because of their attention to detail. They are able to more deeply process details as well as emotions, which are good skills in these professions. Accounting, which requires taking in a lot of information at once, may also be a relevant field, she said.

But the study showed that highly sensitive people do not quickly take in these details; in fact, they spend more time looking at them, so a job that requires a quick assessment of minutiae may not be the best fit, she said.

From Paging Dr. Gupta – CNN.com Blogs, April 7, 2010

Response to subtle changes in visual scenes

The trait of sensory processing sensitivity and neural responses to changes in visual scenes
By Jadzia Jagiellowicz, Xiaomeng Xu, Arthur Aron, Elaine Aron et al.
Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, Oxford Journals

Abstract

This exploratory study examined the extent to which individual differences in sensory processing sensitivity (SPS), a temperament/personality trait characterized by social, emotional and physical sensitivity, are associated with neural response in visual areas in response to subtle changes in visual scenes.

Sixteen participants completed the Highly Sensitive Person questionnaire, a standard measure of SPS. Subsequently, they were tested on a change detection task while undergoing functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI). SPS was associated with significantly greater activation in brain areas involved in high-order visual processing (i.e. right claustrum, left occipitotemporal, bilateral temporal and medial and posterior parietal regions) as well as in the right cerebellum, when detecting minor (vs major) changes in stimuli.

These findings remained strong and significant after controlling for neuroticism and introversion, traits that are often correlated with SPS. These results provide the first evidence of neural differences associated with SPS, the first direct support for the sensory aspect of this trait that has been studied primarily for its social and affective implications, and preliminary evidence for heightened sensory processing in individuals high in SPS.