I am an empath

Article not written by me but taken from http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/traits-of-an-empath-how-to-recognise-one/

 

I am an empath.

I have always known I was quite different to many of those around me. Discovering more about the empath personality type has led me to discover a good understanding of myself, and also my relationships with others and the world that surrounds me.

For so many years I felt like an alien on this planet. I often used to say, “I am not of this world.” I didn’t know many people who were like me, who felt things the way I did or who could relate or resonate to things in a similar way to which I did.

The most striking thing for me about being an empath is the way I feel the physical, mental and emotional pain of others as though it were my own. This can be and has been emotionally and physically crippling and it has caused me to suffer tremendously. It is often described as being similar to a sponge, absorbing every emotion and piece of energy around me, and then becoming weighted down by it.

Learning about the empath personality type helped me greatly, as not only do I now understood myself better, I have also learned how to protect myself and not allow outside toxic energies, emotions or behaviors to affect me negatively.

Rather than absorbing all other energies, I now observe them. This prevents me from becoming overwhelmed, exhausted, suffering mentally or physically and being overly emotional.

An empath is someone who is highly sensitive to the energy and emotions emanating from people, animals and everything that exists around them. They have the ability to scan other people’s auras and souls and can intuitively pick up on past, present and even future thoughts and feelings and can quite accurately determine another person’s emotional, mental and physical state.

The saying “never judge a book by its cover” would ring true for an empath. Never would they trust the outer appearance or deceptive superficial exteriors; they will always sense what goes on behind the masks, if they trust their own judgment.

Unfortunately all too often an emapth is led to believe that these paranormal type skills do not exist in today’s world and their words are criticised, disbelieved and are told to be wrong. Downplaying an empath’s intuition, will benefit someone who may be trying to manipulate or use trickery, or someone with very little faith that these abilities exists.

It is vital that, to thrive, the empath personality type needs to work towards learning to trust their own judgment and intuition so that they can be at one with the inherent superpowers they have been born with.

If an empath does not have a good understanding of themselves and how to work with energy rather than pushing against it or absorbing it all, not only can this be emotionally debilitating, it can also result in physical illness with depression, stress and anxiety taking a toll on the body and a very high chance of suffering from the effects of burnout.

Like with all things, there are variations of the empath personality type. Some people will identify strongly, others will only recognise themselves in a few of the following traits:

1. Feels calmer when alone, and, in relationships, requires distance and regular periods of solitude.

2. When in the company of others an empath struggles to work out whether they are feeling their own emotions or the emotions of those around them.

3. Struggles to remain present as the chaos of emotions around them pushes and pulls on an empath’s own thoughts, feelings and emotions.

4. Often says yes to others without thinking of their own needs.

5. In relationships or friendships, very often puts other people before themselves, as though everyone else’s pleasure and happiness is more important than their own.

6. Relationships can often move too fast and can become intense very quickly as the empath connects on a deep, intimate level very quickly due to the ability to absorb other people’s energy and emotions.

7. An empath will often take full responsibility for how others treat them and for anything that goes wrong in relationships. They have a great amount of compassion and can clearly see other people’s emotional baggage and so they make many excuses for why people behave as they do, and this is very often to the detriment of an empath.

8. Tends to connect with people who are suffering and often wants to heal others or try to make the world a better place for them.

9. Can find themselves taking on and absorbing other people’s problems and being used as a sounding board or dumping ground so that others can offload their emotional baggage.

10. Instinctively knows when someone around them is not being truthful.

11. Sometimes empaths just know things, without having any idea of where they gained the information. When trying to work out the truth from a lie it can seem as though the information has been presented forward so that it can be used to help make a decision. The empath should only trust the information if they are highly skilled at reading themselves and others accurately and if paranoia or other information is not clouding their judgement.

12. An empath’s mind is an inquisitive one and they are constantly searching for answers and theorize and philosophise constantly.

13. An empath who is highly in tune with themselves and skilled at reading others will often be able to pick up on someone else’s thought processes even if they are thousands of miles away.

14. Connects very strongly to the animal kingdom and identifies very easily with the emotional and physical pains that animals go through.

15. Is often most at peace and feeling harmonious when spending time with nature and roaming around the outdoors.

16. Can feel the energy surrounding physical things and will often choose clothing or material purchases based on the energy that has attached to them.

17. Very creative and highly imaginative, writing, art, music, painting, dancing, acting, painting, building and designing are a few of the traits that empaths very often are passionate about.

18. An empath will likely get distracted easily when they are doing things they don’t enjoy and will quickly zone out or day dream when placed in situations where their mind is not stimulated.

19. Can struggle to fully relax in the company of others and really let their hair down and have fun, unless they are extremely comfortable and at ease with those surrounding them.

20. Prefers their living space to be clutter free and minimalistic; chaotic surroundings make for chaotic minds for an empath and they have enough inner sensations happening without cluttering their psyche further.

21. Finds it very difficult to be around people who are egotistical or enjoy putting others down to make themselves look better. Empaths will often come to the defense of those that have been rejected or bullied in any way.

22. Crowded places are emotionally overwhelming and downtime is required after social gatherings.

23. Highly sensitive to sounds, smells, bright lights and the feel of certain fabrics.

24. Regularly suffers with fatigue and can feel drained following interactions with others.

25. Can become shy and withdrawn as a method of self-protection. This can result in empaths becoming introverts as a way of avoiding the emotional and physical pain that often stems from interactions.

Other people may see empaths as moody or loners due to the amount of alone or downtime they need. Others may struggle to understand that these things are just part of the personality type and feel comfortable and the most natural ways to exist for an empath. Empaths do like connection, but they need to balance that out by creating a safe space for themselves to exist in alongside it.
Supermarkets, bars/clubs, family gatherings and any crowded event can all be energetically overbearing. Frequent downtime or escapism to a garden, bathroom or kitchen will occur to temporarily break away from the intensely high energy that occurs when many people are close together in the same venue..

Empaths may have an addictive personality and can pick up habits such as drinking alcohol, playing online games or excessively indulging in a particular interest as a form of escapism to blot out feeling so much pain.

Listening to or watching local or worldwide news can be traumatic as the pain or violence the people or creatures involved experience is often transferred onto the empath as though the pain was theirs.
Empaths are free spirits, adventurers, life-seekers, rule breakers, they live outside the box. Often it can seem to others as very unconventional or unorthodox lifestyles. However, these lifestyles often suit an empath perfectly and feel to them the most natural way to live.

As empaths learn more about themselves, many of the traits above can become a thing of the past, or a new way of dealing with them is discovered so that they do not have negative side effects. While many people may recognise themselves in the traits above, there will be some who who see a lot of these things as how they used to be before finding ways to combat or work towards understanding areas so that life becomes less painful.

The key to thriving as an empath is to recognise each of the traits and then spend time thinking about each one and looking at how it may be negatively impacting or hindering a certain part of life. When we have a good understanding of how a certain characteristic affects us, we can work out ways to turn any trait that may have negative side effects into positive ones.

The easiest way to look at the empath type is as though the personality is a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing to have the ability to feel and experience life at such a highly sensitive level, so the joy and love around them will feel like constant electric pulses beating through them. However, the curse is that the lows are felt at an equal intensity.

When empaths learn to protect themselves by becoming consciously aware of how they are allowing outside energy to penetrate them, they are then in a position to turn the curses to blessings so that the painful and toxic energies are not absorbed within the psyche/soul. Empaths must be sure to surround themselves with others whose energies vibrate at a similar frequency so that they are not vulnerable and exposed to energy that can cause them harm. Self-protection is vital. I will cover all aspects of self-protection in a follow-up article.

Being an empath really is a beautiful way to live and to experience life. Finely tuning our frequency so that we keep our energy levels high and refuse to take on or absorb anything that will harm us is the simplest, harmonious and magically unique way to exist.

Feeling like a victim

How highly sensitive people can become victims and what they can do to stop

Published on September 7, 2012 by Deborah Ward in Sense and Sensitivity

 

Photo by nirrimi

In an earlier post, I wrote about the vulnerability of highly sensitive people to negative types of people, like narcissists. Because of their compassionate and empathetic nature, many HSPs unwittingly attract people who will use the HSP for their own gain and consequently drain the energy out of them in the process. When this kind of relationship becomes a pattern, it is all too easy for the HSP to take on the role of victim.

Assuming the victim role is not a natural or inevitable consequence of being highly sensitive, but it is a common one. Highly sensitive people are often misunderstood and misinterpreted as being socially anxious, depressed, insecure or possessing any number of other issues. When you are constantly being told that you are too shy, too reserved, too quiet and too sensitive, you begin to think there is something wrong with you. And when other people begin to take advantage of your sensitive nature, you can easily begin to feel like a victim.

But thinking of oneself as a victim is often a belief we’re not consciously aware of. Feelings of self-doubt, and believing that we somehow deserve the treatment we’re receiving, however unpleasant, often stems from childhood. A repeated belief in oneself as deserving of some kind of victimhood is usually the result of actual victimisation at an earlier stage, such as facing a bully at school or a controlling parent at home. After many years of mistreatment or even misunderstanding, the victim mentality becomes ingrained to the degree that people begin to believe it, even when they are not even aware of it.

Thinking of oneself as a victim is not only bad for your self-esteem, it’s also destructive to your relationships. People who are mired in victimhood expect to be treated badly, which means that they will become attracted to anyone who wants to use or abuse them and will actually feel uncomfortable around someone who treats them with unconditional love, simply because it feels so unfamiliar.

So how does a person who is highly sensitive to their environment and to the feelings of others protect themselves not only from the malevolent intentions of narcissists, but from the negative victim belief that increasingly develops in their own mind? Here are a few first steps:
• Recognise the words in your mind that repeat themselves, such as ‘I don’t deserve any better’ or ‘I’m such a loser’
• When you hear those familiar phrases in your mind, remember that they were probably spoken to you by someone who was suffering themselves, and didn’t know the real you
• Recognise that none of those negative things about you are true – you were told lies but now you now the truth – you are a kind, compassionate person who deserves unconditional love
• Stop accepting anyone who talks to you negatively or treats you badly.
• Create a new belief system for yourself, beginning with the belief that you are not a victim

It is the beliefs in our subconscious mind that often control our behaviours, actions, decisions and choices in life. If you suspect that you have been treated like a victim, take the first step by refusing to act like a victim any more. You don’t have to be angry, but you do need to stop beleiving the negative talk in your head. Once you do that and start thinking of yourself in a more positive way, your life will begin to change for the better and the narcissists will stop beating a path to your door. All they will find is a door that won’t open to anything but kindness.

Understanding the Highly Sensitivity Person: Sensitive, Introverted, or Both?

Today I would like to share a post by Elaine Aron as published in Psychology Today Published on July 21, 2011 by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. in Attending to the Undervalued Self

A fresh approach to those times when you doubt your own worth

by Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. 

 

After reading Sense and Sensitivity in the July/August Psychology Today [Note: full text available in printed edition only at this time], an article about highly sensitive people (HSPs), Ron wrote, "I quickly identified with being highly sensitive. I won't bother covering ... why... let's just say reading the article was enough to make me cry. When I read that one in five HSPs were actually extraverts and that their exhaustion from social interaction often inaccurately labeled them as introverts ... I froze. I'm not a social introvert, I'm a sensitive extravert! The realization opened up a whole world of answers to questions I've had that were never answered by always approaching my personality from the perspective of being an introvert."

 

If you read some descriptions of introversion, they can sound very much like high sensitivity: Both introverts and HSPs reflect deeply, like meaningful conversations, and need lots of down time. Thus it is not surprising that 70% of HSPs are introverts. But that means 30% are extraverts—why is that? Clearing up the introversion-sensitivity distinction is something I am trying to do all the time, because people like Ron are left out and confused when we equate these two terms.

Why the confusion? Most people equate introversion and extraversion with sociability—that is, to what extent you have a large circle of friends and can enjoy meeting strangers and socializing in large groups. This has little to do with high sensitivity, in that high sensitivity lies deeper. It is an innate trait. Degree of sociability or extraversion (in this sense) is highly heritable, but sociability is not itself the trait that is inherited. Wearing skirts is highly heritable, too, but there is no gene for it. It's highly heritable because gender is, and most skirts are worn by women. Likewise, low sociability is strongly associated with sensitivity because many HSPs become introverted to avoid the overstimulation that can go with social interactions, especially if they fear social judgment due to past bad experiences. But there is considerable research to show that sensitivity is the more basic trait.

Some sensitive people, however, adopt a different strategy early on. For them, being around people is not so arousing, and sometimes even soothing, although ultimately every sensitive person who is an extravert still needs some down time. From my interviews, I found that sensitive extraverts often grew up in a small community or neighborhood where people knew each other. One I know was the daughter of a minister; another was raised on a commune. Many had good childhoods and were secure within their families, making them more secure socially.

When I say that introversion and extraversion (degree of sociability) are not in themselves innate, I will be stepping on some toes. The fact is that our names for traits have been determined up to now by our descriptions of how people act and probably always will be. "He's so sociable" or "quick tempered." "She's so funny" or "very shy." Now we are just beginning to find out more about the genes behind the behaviors we observe. The genetic variations behind extraversion probably do not govern social behavior so much as the general tendency to seek new stimulation in search of rewarding experiences, people being one of the best sources of rewards. Hence this trait is often called high sensation seeking. High sensation seeking and high sensitivity are a new generation of trait terms, based less on observable behaviors and more on evolution and genetics.

Back to extraverted HSPs: You can inherit the genetic variations that lead both to being highly sensitive and a high sensation seeker, so this may be another way, besides being raised to be social, that you can be both highly sensitive and extraverted, but it may be more accurate in this case to call it highly sensitive and high sensation seeking. This combo, as one person put it, "is like driving with one foot on the gas, the other on the brake."

Being extraverted or a high sensation seeker and being highly sensitive is a great blend to be. You can be a natural leader, once you learn how to express yourself to non-HSPs, who can find your insights amazing, but also strange or difficult to accept. For example, when you see injustices or hurtful behaviors, like all HSPs, your strong emotional reactions kick in. But you are more likely than other HSPs to find yourself standing on a soap box trying to get others to understand the consequences of their harmful behavior. Then maybe someone says you are overreacting or being an oddball. You may retreat, feeling embarrassed, angry, or just overexposed. Similarly, HSPs are often able to see problems in others' plans. If they stay quiet they often see things turn out badly, but if they speak up they are seen as pessimists, naysayers, or too critical. You, the extraverted HSP, are likely to speak up.

With practice, however, all HSPs can learn to use their sensitivity to know just what to say, with just the right finesse to ensure that their voice and perceptions will be heard. We can have an enormously good impact on causes we deem worthy of our time and energy. But remember, we all still need extra down time: I recommend eight hours of sleep or at least in bed, per day, and another two hours of additional down time, preferably meditating, but walking in nature alone or doing routine tasks quietly, while letting your mind rest or wander, are also good. You can take down time even stuck in traffic if you turn off your audio inputs for once! The point is, in particular if you are a sensitive extravert, you need to pay special attention to taking care of yourself because life is so rich and exciting. You are a special breed.
 

Love and Asperger's syndrome

He's gentle, unworldly, highly attentive and charmingly old-fashioned. The catch? The very things that make Keith so attractive to Sarah are symptoms of Asperger's. Anna Moore meets the couples living with this surprisingly common condition

Sarah Hendrickx and Keith Newton sit tilted towards one other, laughing a lot and disappearing down the occasional alley of in-jokes, as couples do when they're still in that early, besotted stage.

Keith has just arrived at Sarah's home in Hove and they're clearly delighted by the prospect of the next few days together. As always, Keith has switched off his mobile phone because, as he puts it, 'my time here is with Sarah'. They won't see anyone else - Keith has no friends of his own and doesn't feel comfortable socialising - but plan to eat lots of chocolate, walk and watch television. 'We spend a lot of time feeling smug,' says Sarah, 'because we see other couples who don't look very happy.'

In a few days, though, Keith will drive back to Wickham, Hampshire, 50 miles away, where he lives alone and works as a computer programmer. This will always be the case. Despite meeting five years ago, they won't 'progress' as other couples do. They'll neither live together nor have children. Although there's only a year between them, at 39 Keith is so gangly, gawky, boyish and cute that he could be ten years younger than he is.

Yet Sarah - who had a child at 19 and has two marriages behind her - is confident that few women could put up with him. 'God, he's so gorgeous he could have anyone - but not for long,' she says, laughing. 'Three or four months max… then, when the conversation turns to homes and babies and bank accounts, he'd be gone!' The two burst into laughter.

It wasn't always like this. The couple met through internet dating and the first stage of their relationship was fiery and fraught. To Sarah, Keith was 'a puzzle'. He'd plainly state that their blissful weekends were enough for him, that he'd never live with her or even move nearer. Sarah frequently found him selfish, cold and distant. Keith found Sarah hard work, demanding and 'screechy'.

Ultimately, only one thing allowed them to start again from scratch - they uncovered the reason for Keith's 'insensitivity', his aloofness, the fact that he could see no future with Sarah nor seemed to want one: Keith has Asperger's syndrome (AS).

Such a late diagnosis is not uncommon. Asperger's - a developmental condition that falls within the autism spectrum - was identified more than 60 years ago but became a standard diagnosis only in 1992 when it entered the World Health Organisation's diagnostic manual. As a result, the majority of adults with the syndrome almost certainly grew up without knowing they had it.
Estimates vary enormously as to the prevalence, but one in 100 people is thought to be on the autism spectrum, and it is more common in males by a ratio of nine to one. People with AS normally have above-average intelligence but great difficulties with empathy, communication and social interaction.

People with AS struggle to understand the unwritten social rules that help most of us act and speak appropriately. They find it hard to decipher figures of speech, facial expressions and tones of voice, and are frequently (but unintentionally) concise and literal to the point of rudeness. Since the 'real world' becomes an extremely stressful place, many retreat into their own safe haven of routine, solitude and obsessive special interests.

Today AS is likely to be recognised in a child, and his school will be told he needs special support. Twenty years ago, however, he'd be the 'geek' who didn't quite fit but was left to get on with it. And that struggle has continued into adulthood. For someone with AS, the minefield of relationships, marriage and parenthood can be the hardest part of all.

Louise Corbett manages the National Autistic Society (NAS) helpline and confirms that more calls are coming from couples who have recognised Asperger's in their relationship.
'When I started six years ago most of our calls were made by parents about their children,' she says. 'Now we get more adult-related calls than child-related.' As Asperger's seems to run in families, many women identify it in their husbands - or their husbands see it in themselves - only after their child has been diagnosed and they've read the literature. 'They call in absolute shock,' says Corbett. 'Often they've been experiencing difficulties for years without knowing why. There's no way around it: Asperger's can be very hard to live with.'

Maxine Aston, the author of Aspergers in Love (Jessica Kingsley, £14.95), is one of the few counsellors to work specifically with couples affected by AS. Her surveys and questionnaires from the past decade suggest that 75 per cent of such couples seek counselling. 'I'd almost say AS was a "relationship disorder",' she says. 'It affects communication, interaction and the ability to empathise. Any research will tell you they're the key ingredients for a successful relationship.' In Aston's experience - and desperate clients come from as far as Japan, New Zealand and Canada - Asperger's relationships follow a common pattern.
'A huge number seem to meet on dating websites,' she says. 'For someone with AS it's the perfect route.' Where once many people with AS were effectively barred from the dating game, the internet now provides the perfect point of entry (it has, as Aston puts it 'opened the floodgates').

Bypassing the enormous challenges involved in chatting someone up, it allows you to make a checklist and then select according to criteria. Although many people with AS are unemployed or underemployed, others are at the top of their profession. 'On paper they look amazing,' says Aston. 'Doctors, IT consultants, engineers, solicitors… They could be in their forties but have never married - so no baggage. The internet also allows them to build a rapport by email,' she continues. 'When they meet, women are often very charmed by this polite, gentle man with an old-fashioned appeal.'

This was certainly true for Sarah who found Keith completely different to anyone she had known. 'At the end of our first date he kissed my cheek and shook my hand,' she recalls. 'So different to all the guys that ply you with rioja. Keith seemed so untouched by needless fashion and peer pressure - I thought he was a Buddhist!'

However, in Aston's experience, this appeal can wear thin. 'Women fall in love and want to nurture this unworldly, slightly vulnerable man and help him grow up. As the relationship settles, though, they often find their own emotional needs aren't being met.
'Someone with AS probably has good intentions,' she goes on. 'He wants to make her happy but can't read the signs. At the beginning of the courtship the woman could become his obsession and she has probably never experienced such attention. Five years down the line, when he has focussed on something else and returns from work, yet again forgets to say hello and goes to the garage to take the car apart, things are very different. Women often say to me, "He's either got Asperger's or he's the most selfish man on the planet."'

Another problem can be the isolation. People with AS frequently have sensory difficulties - loud noise, strong smells and bright lights can be almost painful. This, coupled with difficulties in social interaction, means that parties, family gatherings and big birthdays drop off the radar.

'I once saw a couple in their eighties who, after 50 years of marriage, realised what the problem was,' says Aston. 'They decided to stay together, but she bought a cottage up the road and he visited for meals. She could have friends and family over and he had space for his routine and interests. Quite a few couples decide to stay together but live apart.'

Penny Jones, an accountant from Oxford, tried this, following the diagnosis of her husband Chris, an IT consultant, six years ago. Chris learnt about AS through a television programme while he was off work with stress. He subsequently saw a specialist who placed him high on the Asperger's scale.

'We got together in 1995 and he'd always been very unusual,' says Penny. 'There are lots of positives about Asperger's. I like its straightforwardness. There's no game-playing. Chris was the first person I had met who just let people be themselves. Most men want you to be a bit more like this or more like that. Chris just accepts you. He's also very intelligent - he has an IQ of over 150 - and very funny.'

However, AS was hard to live with. 'He did lock himself in the room with the computer,' she says. 'We were under the same roof but not together. Rarely did we share the preparation and clearing away of meals because Chris couldn't stand the noise of cutlery and crockery.'
When their children were born - Luke is nine and Beth is seven - Chris found the chaos of family life even more difficult. 'It wasn't predictable and calm enough. Family holidays we gave up on,' she says. 'He would try his best but by day three, without his familiarity, his routine, his computer, you could see all his systems shutting down. Then he'd spend each day with a large crate of beer in front of the television while I took the children out. Chris drank vast quantities to cope with Asperger's - that was another problem.'

When Chris moved out, the plan had been that they would remain a couple, but in the end this didn't work out. 'He drank far less and was clearly so much happier in his own space,' says Penny. 'He would spend a few hours with us, then go home to his bolthole and not talk to anyone for 24 hours. In the end, I couldn't cope with the massive periods of time alone.' The couple divorced last year.

Conventional counselling isn't recommended for AS couples - in fact, it frequently makes things worse. 'Counselling works on empathy,' says Maxine Aston, 'helping you understand each other's point of view. That won't happen if you have AS. You might be told to spend ten minutes a day talking about your emotions. Someone with AS can't do it, feels pressurised and disappointment sets in.' For this reason, the NAS has a (small) database of couples counsellors who specialise in AS - of which Aston is one.

There are many strategies that can help. One is to write things down instead of saying them. Another is for the non-Asperger's half in the relationship to spell things out in no uncertain terms. ('I am feeling sad and would like a hug'), rather than hope their partner will read the cues. However, the key is understanding the Asperger's label, accepting its limitations and adjusting expectations. 'It's almost like blaming it on the Asperger's,' says Aston.
The diagnosis that saved Keith and Sarah almost happened by accident - Sarah got a job working with ASpire, a charity that supports adults with Asperger's. The more she learnt, the more she recognised in Keith. 'At first, I thought it was just a mad, crazy Sarah idea,' he says. 'But as I researched it, the similarities became too great to ignore.'

Learning about AS, he says, was 'life-changing'. Suddenly what Sarah describes as his 'isolated, biscuit-eating life' made sense. Keith had been bullied at school and gone through university with no friends at all. He'd had only two jobs in his life doing the same thing and two very short-lived relationships (the first at 31). 'From an early age you try to join the world, but gradually, with rejection and not being able to understand social situations, it becomes too taxing,' he says. 'I wanted relationships with women but didn't have the confidence, the tools or the means.'

In Sarah, Keith has found the perfect partner. She works with AS adults for a living and now understands his thought processes and almost speaks his language. She can foresee stressful situations, accepts his frequent need to be alone and rarely asks for more than Keith can give.

In return, she has a charming, quirky, logical and attentive partner who is still touchingly old-fashioned - he always opens doors for her, carries her shopping and whips off her glasses to clean them if he sees they are dirty. Most importantly, the two clearly love each other's company, share the same sense of humour - and have co-written a book, Asperger Syndrome - A Love Story (Jessica Kingsley, £12.99), to show that happy endings are possible, even if they're not quite the endings originally envisaged.

There are no plans of marriage or moving in, and Keith certainly doesn't think he could cope with children. But they seem like soul mates. 'With Sarah, I get acceptance and understanding,' says Keith. 'I don't necessarily want to join the rest of the world - but I'd like someone to join me in mine. I'd like to know at the end of my life that there's been one person who got me. That's what Sarah does for me.'

You can order the book by clicking the link

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/3354140/Love-and-Aspergers-syndrome.html

 

Here are 14 Success Strategies for Highly Sensitive People!

1. Accept your sensitivity.
Your sensitivity is a gift. I know it doesn’t always feel like it. But it is. I spent more than half of my life denying that I was a highly sensitive. Until you acknowledge and say “yes” to your sensitivity you cannot begin to learn the tools that will help you leverage that sensitivity into a positive benefit.

2. Choose to empower your sensitivity rather than minimize it.
It has taken me many years to get to the place where I can truly claim my sensitivity and use it as a powerful tool on my journey of self-discovery and deliberate creation. As a Highly Sensitive Person in an often over stimulating world, dampening your sensitivity sometimes seems like the best solution. And while that may be helpful, and even necessary, at first, ultimately you want to empower your sensitivity and turn it into a powerful ally in the creation of a truly brilliant life.

3. Spend time with other sensitive people.
It is very easy to get caught up in the stress and overload of our frenetic, chaotic world. Sometimes it seems as if there is no one else as sensitive as you. And from that thought it’s a short slide down the slippery slope into feeling like you are crazy or weird or strange. So find some other folks who are highly sensitive and create a support group where you can go for encouragement and to remind each other that you are not alone and that you are not crazy. One important note on this: This group is not a complain and whine group! The point is not to compare notes on how horrible and insensitive the rest of the world is. You connect with other Highly Sensitive People in order to know that you are not alone and discuss ways to leverage your sensitivity to create positive changes in your lives!

4. Hang out with successful, not-so-sensitive people.
I know this seems like a contradiction of the last one. But I have seen it happen (in myself and others) where a sensitive person basically says “screw you” to the rest of the world and all of the less sensitive people and finds someplace to curl up in a little ball and hide. While this can certainly be a beneficial and sometimes necessary short-term strategy, it’s not an effective long-term solution. Those of us who are highly sensitive can learn a lot from people who are not sensitive. So find some not-so-sensitive people who are successful and begin hanging out with them. Observe them. Learn from them. Watch how they move through the world. Not so that you can dampen your sensitivity but so that you might learn how to bring your sensitivity into the world in a balanced manner.

5. Start a regular practice of “mindful exercise.”
Exercise is important for everyone. But especially so for Highly Sensitive People. Moving your body helps to get any environmental, emotional and energetic toxins out of your system. While any type of exercise is beneficial, workouts that incorporate your mind, body and spirit can be especially helpful. Try things like Yoga, Tai Chi, Akido. and Pilates. Dancing and rock-climbing can also be great opportunities for the body, mind and spirit to move. The bottom line is to find a form of exercise that touches YOUR body, mind and spirit.

6. Find HSP role models, sensitive people who have leveraged their sensitivity to create a great life.
Do you know any Highly Sensitive People who have learned to not only survive in this world, but thrive in it? What lessons can learn from them? What life strategies can you emulate? If you can’t find role models in your own life, look in the wider world. What teachers, authors, artists, and entrepreneurs (yes there are successful AND highly sensitive entrepreneurs) can you find? Once you find them, again look for lessons and strategies that they are using to leverage their sensitivity into success.

7. Gently push yourself beyond the level of your sensitivity.
Your sensitivity is a gift and strength. But in order for this gift to be of any value to you and to the world, you must learn how to put it into use. That means you have to stretch yourself and bring your sensitivity with you into places and situations where it feels uncomfortable. Just as you build muscle mass through resistance, you increase your ability to bring your sensitivity into the world by practicing and exercising.

8. Know your limits.
Don’t push yourself so far that you blow a fuse! Become aware of the internal signals that let you know you are reaching maximum capacity. And when you notice them back off. You want to push yourself and strengthen your sensitivity, but not to the point where it causes you to blow a fuse!

9. Set up a consistent self-care routine.
As a sensitive person you need more self care than others. Don’t compare yourself to less sensitive people. Get clear on your needs and take steps to ensure that those needs are met. If you need a massage every week, get one. If you need to take a bath with sea salts every night, do it. Your sensitivity is of no use if you are not able to function in the world!

10. Connect with nature as often as possible.
If there is one consistent theme I have found among sensitive people it is the restorative capacity of nature. Even if you live in a city get outside every day. Connect with a tree. If you don’t want to look strange, pretend you’re leaning up against it waiting for some. But while you’re there, feel the restorative, grounding energy flowing through that tree.

11. Create safe, sanctuary spaces.
It is very important for sensitive people to have safe spaces to go to when the world gets overwhelming. You need to know that no matter what is happening in the wider world, that you have a safe space, a sanctuary to which you can return and restore yourself. Ideally, your home is your sanctuary. If it’s not, start by taking a small space and turning it into a safe, private, sanctuary where you can go when you need quiet and solitude.

12. Limit your exposure to news.
In some ways, this one suggestion may be the easiest and most powerful success strategy for Highly Sensitive People. And yet, I find it amazing how often this suggestion triggers people. They feel that if they don’t read the newspaper they’ll be missing out on important information. My response is that if reading the newspaper makes you feel like crap what good does that information do for anyone. I would much rather see you feeling great and doing positive things in the world, than see you feeling depressed and hopeless because you’re reading too much news.

13. Explore energetic healing modalities.
My training at the Academy of Intuition Medicine has been the most powerful work in my quest to empower and balance my sensitive nature. Try acupuncture, homeopathy, reiki, energy medicine, flower essences and other forms of energetic healing. When you find one that works, schedule regular sessions.

14. Learn how to create positive energetic boundaries.
There are wonderful resources that can teach you to setup positive energetic boundaries. Start with my course, The Energetics of Attraction and explore Energy Medicine University (the distance learning wing of the Academy of Intuition Medicine). Read books by Caroline Myss, Donna Eden, and others. Once you venture into this world you will be amazed at how easily you are led to the information and teachers you need to get learn how to thrive in this world!

If you are a Highly Sensitive Person, I encourage you to begin using some of these strategies. Look through the list and pick one or two of these that resonate with you and begin integrating them into your daily life. You may be surprised at how quickly and dramatically your life can change when you actively employ success strategies specifically designed for Highly Sensitive People.

Please leave a comment below and let us know which of these strategies you already use and what other techniques you use as a sensitive person in this world.

And if you want more information, inspiration and techniques to help you thrive in this world as an empowered sensitive person, I encourage you to read my new report: The Energetics of Attraction: Understanding and Applying the Harmonics of Human Awareness and to Compose The Life You Desire.

Bron: www.evolvingtimes.com

Psychic Vampires

This article was written by Joe H. Slate PhD

posted under Psychic

Let's face it—we've probably all fallen prey to a psychic vampire, possibly without even knowing it. It may have been a chance encounter with an energy predator that left us temporarily exhausted, or possibly along-term vampire interaction with serious wear-and-tear effects on the mind and body.

Psychic vampirism is alive and flourishing in the world today. As consumers of energy rather than blood, vampires of the psychic kind exist in many guises but with one common trait—their own inadequate energy system compels them to tap into and feed upon the energies of unsuspecting host victims. The immediate results of such a one-on-one vampire encounter are anew but temporary surge of energy for the psychic vampire and a serious loss of mental and physical energy for the unsuspecting prey. If you suddenly feel emotionally or mentally depleted, you may be under attack by a psychic vampire. The unfortunate effects of prolonged energy loss are damage to the energy system itself and in some instances, serious illness.

As consumers of energy rather than blood, psychic vampires, like their folklore counterparts, can be men orpsychic vampires women, young or old. They can be tween, teens, or adults. They can be professionals in business suits, wealthy dot. comers, dapper CEOs, ultra-groovy rock stars, or construction workers in hard hats. They can be a business associate, next door neighbor, or even family member.

Long before the popularization of folklore vampires as blood-thirsty villains who sucked life-sustaining blood from their prey, psychic vampires as energy-sucking predators were common. There's strong evidence, in fact, that vampires as consumers of energy were the trailblazers that actually inspired the legendary version of vampires as consumers of blood. An early example with clear fingerprints of psychic vampirism is the Biblical account of Delilah's cunning seduction of Samson in which she vampirized him by cutting his hair, the source of his strength. Even the Biblical version of creation in which God breathed into man the "breath (energy) of life" and then took from him a rib (of energy) to create woman illustrates the transferable nature of life-force energy. That give-and-take make-up of energy is even more dramatically illustrated in the Biblical account of the woman who, upon touching the hem of Christ's garment, was infused with energy while Christ simultaneously felt the energy leaving his body. On a very broad scale, psychic vampire themes were common in many primitive cultures that routinely used rituals to embolden and energize their warriors while simultaneously demoralizing and enfeebling (vampirizing) their enemies. Even today, military strategies often include an excessive show of force—such as shock and awe—to demoralize and dispirit (vampirize) the enemy.

Early Encounters

In my early childhood, I first became aware of psychic vampirism through a distant relative who claimed to have discovered the secret of living forever. A world traveler, she had studied under several far eastern scholars who, she claimed, taught her how to communicate mentally, travel out-of-body, and extract life-force energy from nature, including trees, streams, and even rocks. But among her most remarkable claims was the ability to mentally extinguish fire by drawing rejuvenating energy from it.

One of my most vivid childhood memories was a festive dinner party at her mansion during which she stunned her guests by demonstrating that amazing skill. Upon taking her place as hostess at the head of a very long table graced by three large candelabras, she commented on the room's excessive light. To the astonishment of everyone, she then leaned slightly forward and mentally extinguished five of the six candles in each candelabra!

Intrigued by her extraordinary claims of power and having seen many of them demonstrated, I began to suspect that she extracted energy not only from nature but from people as well. I finally collected the courage to ask her privately whether she drew energy from people. Placing a hand on my shoulder, she answered, "Well, of course. How else could I live forever?" Although I admit I was left wondering whether to believe her, I suspected that among her preferred energy sources were the well-developed young males who made up her household staff. She remained in excellent health and incredibly youthful in appearance until she finally crossed over during sleep at the age of 101.

Psychic Vampirism in the Laboratory

With these distant childhood experiences still etched in my mind, I welcomed the opportunity as Professor of Psychology at Athens State College (now University) to lead a study investigating the human energy system. The year-long study, which was funded by the US Army Missile Research and Development Command, identified several important characteristics of that system. Of particular interest was the finding that the physical body's central energizing core and its surrounding energy field, commonly called the aura, are each influenced by the presence of others. Using aura photography along with visual observations of the aura, the study found that the auras of couples whose interactions were positive tended to complement and energize each other, with each aura becoming brighter and more expansive. Conversely, negative interactions tended to constrict the aura and actually induce a state of mental and physical fatigue. When constrictions occurred in the aura, intellectual functions became slower, short-term memory declined, and physical strength decreased by as much as 50 percent.

A later study funded by the Parapsychology Foundation of New York not only confirmed the findings of our earlier research, it showed that certain persons were highly skilled at deliberately tapping into and directly feeding upon the aura of others. By draining energy from another person's aura, these so-called psychic vampires not only deplete the aura's energy resources, they interrupt the capacity of the aura's central core to generate new energy, particularly when the interaction is prolonged. Consistent with our earlier findings, direct observations of the aura as well as aura photographs taken before and after a psychic vampire interaction showed the victim's aura becoming severely de-energized and constricted following an attack while the vampire's aura became energized and expansive. I was reminded of my aunt's claim of deliberately drawing energy from others, a claim that now seemed considerably more plausible.

My more recent studies uncovered even more vivid evidence of psychic vampirism and its effects. Both visual observations and aura photographs revealed ominous tentacle-like structures extending outward from the vampire's aura during an attack to puncture and draw energy from the victim's aura. As expected, such onslaughts dramatically expanded the invading vampire's aura but seriously dulled and constricted the host victim's aura, a condition that often lasted for days. Even more seriously, vampire puncture wounds to the aura often required weeks to heal. (As an important footnote, all observations and photographs obtained throughout our studies were with consent of informed volunteer subjects, most of whom were college students. Both observational and photographic assessments obtained during an actual psychic vampire interaction were obtained from couples who were in an on-going relationship. All participants in our vampire studies were offered counseling and provided instruction concerning the use of appropriate intervention and protection techniques.)

Although the human energy system is indestructible—it is literally the soul of our being—its capacity to generate the energy required for daily living can become severely impaired. Long-term, continuous psychic vampire attacks can have devastating consequences that reach far beyond damage to the energy system. Like the host victims of their blood-sucking counterparts, victims of recurring psychic vampire assaults can become—dare I say—psychic vampires themselves in a desperate effort to replenish their lost supply of energy.

Protection Techniques

Fortunately, highly effective strategies are now available to prevent a psychic vampire attack, or once it's underway, to promptly end it. These laboratory tested strategies can also promote healing and repair damage to the energy system resulting from long-term vampire assaults. They can even be used effectively by psychic vampires provided they are motivated to overcome their energy addiction.

One of the most effective protection procedures known is the Finger Interlock Technique. Developed in our labs, this technique is easy to implement, and its effects are instant. To begin this technique, simply bring together the tips of your thumb and middle finger of each hand to form two circles. Then, bring your hands together to form interlocking circles while envisioning your body enveloped in a bright sphere of impenetrable energy. Finally, relax your hands and simply affirm, "I am now energized and fully protected." This simple, inconspicuous technique requires only seconds and can be used almost any time or place. With practice, you can use the finger interlock gesture alone as a cue to instantly activate the effects of the full procedure.

A former student who found herself under a psychic vampire attack during a job interview used the Finger Interlock Technique to instantly end the attack and gain control of the interview process. She was offered the position at a salary that far exceeded her expectations. She attributes her successful interview to the simple Finger Interlock Technique.

Aside from its effectiveness as a psychic vampire protection procedure, the Finger Interlock Technique has many other useful applications. Overcoming stage fight, improving memory, and promoting positive social interactions are all within its scope. You can use the technique to induce instant relaxation during important examinations, public presentations, and conferences, to list but a few of its many applications. A former student, now a practicing attorney, attributes his admission to law school largely to his use of the technique during the entrance exam. The technique, here ported, effectively reduced his stress level and stimulated his recall of important information. Because the technique is so inconspicuous and easily executed, it has become popular among public figures including actors, politicians, performing artists, and TV personalities. If you observe their hands, you will notice many of them using the simple finger interlock gesture.

That old and trusted stand-by, the quartz crystal, has almost unlimited potential as a psychic empowerment tool. Throughout my career as a college professor and practicing psychologist, I've found that almost everyone is responsive to this tool. Because of its receptivity to programming, the crystal is an excellent tool for such personal goals as losing weight, quitting smoking, promoting career success, and even slowing aging (See my book Rejuvenation: Living Younger, Longer and Better). My students have used this tool to raise their grade point average, gain admission to graduate school, and get the job of their choice. One of my former students successfully programmed the crystal to find the love of her life! I've used the crystal to get research grants and introduce parapsychology into the college curriculum (a first in Alabama). The phenomenal success of the International Parapsychology Research Foundation, which has funded student scholarships and psychical research, is largely due to crystal programming.

At a personal level, I've found the quartz crystal to be unsurpassed in its capacity to protect against psychic vampirism. For that purpose, I recommend the Crystal Protection Procedure because of its capacity to erect an outer protective shield around oneself that renders any vampire attack harmless.Once the crystal is appropriately programmed and then kept in close proximity to the physical body, the protective shield remains in place to provide constant protection. The procedure is particularly effective in protecting against prolonged exposure, such as when a psychic vampire may be living or working right alongside you.

For this procedure, you can use a crystal already in your possession, or you can select a fresh one from an assortment. When selecting a crystal from an assortment, first state your goal of complete protection from psychic vampirism, and then slowly pass your hand, palm side down, across the assortment. Select the crystal that seems to stand out from the others, and while holding it, note your interaction with it. If the crystal does not seem appropriate for your stated goal, repeat the process until you find a receptive crystal. Not infrequently, the crystal in an assortment that first commanded your attention is ideal for your present use.

Once you've selected a crystal, deprogram it by briefly holding it under cool running water and then letting it air dry on a towel. To install the new program, simply hold the crystal in your hand, and while gently stroking it, invite it in your own words to be your empowerment partner by working with you to neutralize and defeat psychic vampirism in whatever its form. To save the program, simply say, "Please stay."

The Finger Interlock Technique and the Crystal Protection Procedure can be used separately or together to provide constant protection from psychic vampirism. Everyone can benefit from the use of these procedures. I use them regularly and make it a practice to teach them to my students and patients because of their effectiveness in promoting a sense of security and well-being by erecting an impenetrable sphere that envelops the full aura. You can view this interesting phenomenon called the halo effect around your own aura by first holding your hand, palm side outward, at arm's length, and then while viewing your hand against a neutral background, slowly expanding your peripheral vision. Finally, let your eyes fall slightly out of focus, and you will see the aura around your hand as a colorful glow surrounded by an outer halo of bright energy. (As a footnote, this technique can be easily adapted to view the aura of another person. For that application, see my book Aura Energy for Health, Healing, and Balance.)

Many Faces and Unsuspecting Guises

As already noted, psychic vampirism comes in a variety of unsuspecting guises. We see it all to commonly between individuals as one-on-one vampirism, but feeding on the energies of another person is only one of its many forms. For instance, anyone who exploits a lover, spreads malicious rumors, ruins a reputation, or betrays a trusted friend is a psychic vampire.

On a much broader scale, psychic vampirism can occur in a vicious, collective form as sometimes seen among organizations that feed on prejudice and hate, or corporations that blatantly vampirize their employees through deception and greed. Narcotics trafficking, organized crime, and so-called "ethnic cleansing" along with discrimination based on age, race, gender, or sexual orientation are examples of collective psychic vampirism on an alarming scale. In its most widespread collective form, psychic vampirism can exist at a global level. Reckless pollution of the environment, irresponsible disregard for endangered species, and exploitation of the globe's natural resources are examples of global vampirism that affects everyone and literally puts the future of the planet at risk.

Finally, it may seem hand to fathom, but psychic vampirism can occur in a self-contained, parasitic form that turns inward to feed upon oneself. In that internal form, the person ironically becomes both vampire and victim. Examples are such flagrant consumers of our energies as phobias, obsessions, and compulsions that can hover over us like monsters waiting to devour us.

One of my patients, a 22-year-old art major, when asked to draw a picture of his fear of heights, drew a lifeless figure of himself being held in the claws of a giant monster. His drawing vividly depicted the over powering vampire nature of his fear.

In my past-life regression studies, parasitic vampirism was often found to be related to some painful, unresolved past-life experience that continues to hound us in this life. Here are a few examples drawn from college students:

Deep insecurity and fear of abandonment were reactions to being an outcast and homeless in a past life.

Fear of enclosed places resulted from having been buried alive in a past life.

Fears of rats, spiders, and crawling insects were associated with imprisonment in an infested dungeon in a past life.

Fear of heights was associated with having fallen to one's own death in a past life.

Compulsive overeating was associated with a past-life of extreme hunger and stealing food to survive.

Stage fright and fear of crowds were reactions to death by public execution in a past life.

In a remarkable example of parasitic vampirism with threads of past-life origin, a 22-year-old student's fear of sunlight, along with the compulsion to wear dark shades even when indoors, was a reaction to past-life torture in which his eyelids were cut away and he was left to die in the desert with his arms bound behind his back.

Incredible as it may at first seem, our case studies found that knowledge of the past-life sources of parasitic vampirism was often sufficient in and of itself to overcome this plight. In many cases, phobias, obsessions, and compulsions with a very long history were instantly extinguished through a sudden flash of new knowledge.

One of the great teachers of all time summed up the power of knowledge this way: "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. "Knowledge remains perhaps the most powerful force in the universe. Among our greatest challenges is finding new knowledge and applying it to empower our lives while making the world a better place for all. Who could argue with that?

Joe H. Slate PhD Joe H. Slate PhD

Joe H. Slate is a Licensed Psychologist in private practice with a Ph.D. from the University of Alabama and postdoctoral studies in hypnosis and psychosomatic medicine at the University of California. He is Emeritus Professor of Psychology at Athens State... 




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