So Sensitive: Are you tired of sucking it up?

Posted  By Cheryl Richardson

"Your sensitivity is your greatest gift.  Protect it."
 
Last night I went to see a movie with a group of friends.  I'd heard wonderful things about the story from people whose opinion I respect, and I was so looking forward to enjoying the film. 

However, within twenty minutes of watching, I made a decision to leave the theater.

I'm very sensitive to violence and human suffering and therefore my threshold is pretty low. 

I really wanted to see this movie, so at first, I kept trying to talk myself into staying. I told myself things like, "Just wait, Cheryl, I'm sure the violence will end soon."  Or, "Close your eyes through the tough parts." 

But, after several attempts to hang in there through what I imagined was the set-up of the story, I thought to myself, "Wait a minute.  I don't do this anymore.  I no longer override my sensitive nature.  Instead, I protect it." 

So I quietly said goodbye to my friends and left.

Knowing and respecting my sensitive side is an important way that I practice extreme self care (which is why I dedicate a whole chapter to this topic in my new book). 

We all have varying levels of sensitivity. 

It's the fundamental part of us that allows us to be touched by beauty, signs of grace, or intimate moments with others. 

And, it's the mechanism that provides us with an internal warning signal that lets us know when we're in situations that may be hazardous to our emotional, physical, or spiritual health.

As we grow in our understanding and practice of extreme self care, our sensitivity level rises and we pay closer attention to what we need to feel good. 

If the lights are too bright in a restaurant, for instance, you might ask to have them turned down. 

Or, if you know that you're easily wounded by harsh criticism, you might decide to educate someone about how best to give you feedback so you can learn and grow. 

While these ideas might sound a bit "high maintenance" (and certainly can be when misused or not handled in a gracious way), they're actually an indication of healthy self esteem.

This week I invite you to notice your own sensitive nature.  Are you paying attention to your needs or overriding them? 

Do you practice the art of "sucking it up," or the art of extreme self care?

Just a gentle reminder to notice, that's all ...

Take Action Challenge
 
During the week, pay special attention to those times when you push yourself to do something you'd really rather not do.

Don't suck it up.  Bow out, say no, turn around and walk away. 

Protect your sensitivity and it will serve you well!

Are You A Highly Sensitive Person?

Today I would love to share a wonderful blog post by Sandra Lee

Love yourself!

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” -Aristotle

Do you find yourself highly sensitive to the physical circumstances and/or the people around you?

A few days ago, a small bird smacked into the glass panel of the sliding door in my bedroom.  This happened at another residence about eight months ago.  The first time, I was probably more traumatized than the bird.  The suffering of others has affected me so strongly all my life; it seemed to penetrate far into my being.  In both cases, the bird look stunned and paralyzed, not moving a micro-millimeter, but clearly still alive.

The first time, my husband assured me that the best approach would be to leave the bird alone and let it reorient itself.  It was an hour of pure torment for me.  The bird did indeed recalibrate itself in about an hour’s time and flew off into the wild blue yonder.  Happily, the second bird did the same.  Animals intuitively know how best to cope with trauma.  This is explained exceptionally well in the book, Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences, which elucidates how these same principles apply to the human experience of trauma.

 

Suffering and overcaring

The second time around, I was naturally concerned about the bird’s suffering, but, interestingly, I didn’t let it get under my skin in the same way.  This is due, in part, simply to knowing from experience that the bird would likely recover and fly off as before.  At the same time, I feel this is also due to a gradual process of inner change that is taking place as I more firmly secure myself through Amygdala Retraining and other means of self exploration and personal development.  Let me be clear that this doesn’t mean becoming indifferent, uncaring, or cold-hearted.   I still feel emphatic to the suffering of others, but I understand more fully than ever before how allowing it to jar me so strongly is neither necessary or useful.

Indeed, overcaring may actually be harmful.

“Is your care producing or reducing stress?”  This is a key question in the Heartmath approach, which also says:  “Excessive care, or overcare related to an issue or situation can create stress and negative emotions, so it is important for your care to be balanced.”

If you are stuck in the habit of perpetual giving, this might be a crucial question to ask:  “Is your care producing or reducing stress?”

Suffering is an inevitable part of life for all of us.  When you know and accept the reality that suffering will occur, it’s not such a shock when it actually does.  With this understanding, you can have more acceptance and clarity when suffering arises. I’ve been fortunate to meet many great spiritual masters in my lifetime.  All of them have been deeply compassionate.  Indeed, their love and compassion have no limit:  the whole purpose of their existence is to relieve the suffering of this world.  But they are not bowled over by suffering.  They don’t go into a state of personal angst if a bird flies into a pane of glass.  They are compassionate warriors—courageous, confident, determined, yet also relaxed, open, and spacious.

 

Are you a highly sensitive person?

I’ve been super sensitive as far back as I can recall.  According to Elaine Aron, 15-20% of the population is highly sensitive, possessing an uncommonly sensitive nervous system.  She says that being a highly sensitive person means:

“…you are aware of subtleties in your surroundings, a great advantage in many situations. It also means you are more easily overwhelmed when you have been out in a highly stimulating environment for too long, bombarded by sights and sounds until you are exhausted.”
Aron defines this not as a flaw but as an asset that you can learn to use.  She says, “If we try to live by the same operating instructions that others use, we develop all kinds of chronic illnesses, as so many of you have learned the hard way. Yet if we overprotect ourselves, our assets go unexpressed, and that can also lead to stress and illness.”

1 in 5 people are highly sensitive – an eye opening statistic!

 

Sensitized Nervous System

The evidence is mounting that a sensitized nervous system is involved in a wide range of disorders.  Wikipedia explains:

“A third type is central sensitization, where nociceptive neurons in the dorsal horns of the spinal cord become sensitized by peripheral tissue damage or inflammation. This type of sensitization has been suggested as a possible causal mechanism for chronic pain conditions.”

“Sensitization has been implied as a causal or maintaining mechanism in a wide range of apparently unrelated pathologies including substance abuse and dependence, allergies, asthma, and some medically unexplained syndromes such as fibromyalgia and multiple chemical sensitivity. Sensitization has also been suggested in relation to psychological disorders such as post-traumatic stress disorder, panic anxiety and mood disorders.”

In another view of sensitization, Ashok Gupta and Annie Hopper believe that a small structure in the brain thought to be responsible for triggering the adrenalin response, the amygdala, becomes sensitized in cases of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, Chronic Pain Syndromes, and related disorders.  They respectively offer their own innovative brain retraining programs to assist people in recovering from these disorders based on the science of neuroplasticity.

 

Reducing overstimulation and retraining the brain

The first step foreword is recognizing that you are indeed a highly sensitive person.  If this is the case, it’s important to take on board that trying to live a highly stimulated, stress filled lifestyle may very well have negative ramifications for you.  From there, you can explore options for reducing over-stimulation. Elaine Aron’s books are one resource for this purpose.

It’s far better to do this early on so you can lead a sane, healthy, and happy life instead of developing chronic illness down the road.  However, if you do develop certain chronic illnesses, Dynamic Neural Retraining and Amygdala Retraining are wonderful programs to help you feel better. There are no magic pills.  You must faithfully apply the techniques offered in these programs on a regular basis to effectively retrain the brain and improve.  You need to change your fundamental way of being.  Loving yourself enough to make the commitment is part of the equation.  This is a huge step, but there’s tremendous support for accomplishing this. Be heartened!  Breakthroughs are happening in the realm of these previously unexplained illnesses.

Are you a highly sensitive person?  What steps do you take to reduce stimulation in your life?

You might also like this related articles:  Retraining the brain for CFS, FMS, MCS, PTSD, & GWS

Highly Sensitive Personality and Creativity

By guest author Lisa A. Riley, LMFT (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist)

Throughout my practice, I have encountered a connection between highly sensitive people and their own creative impulses.

This characteristic does not discriminate between painter, actor, or musician—they all appear to have one thing in common: they experience the world differently than the average individual.

Creatives often feel and perceive more intensely, dramatically, and with a wildly vivid color palate to draw from, which can only be described as looking at the world through a much larger lens.

Without a substantial filtration system firmly in place to screen out most of the busy noise, these people tend to receive a far greater amount of stimuli directly into their psyches.

As a result, they frequently become more attuned to subtle details in their environment, to the people they deal with, and especially to their own internal process.

Creatives might find themselves more easily overwhelmed, and often live chaotic lives, affecting not only personal relationships, but also their own productivity.

Over-stimulation can sometimes manifest further into anxiety or depression, bogging down their ability to cope with every day stressors or life’s challenges.

Pearl Buck, an American novelist living in China, and who received a Noble and a Pulitzer, best describes the highly sensitive person by saying,

“The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them…a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.”

According to psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, 20% of the population has this innate quality.

I would even take that figure one step further and suggest that a large percentage of highly sensitive people would fall into the category of creative minds.

Although this is something many artists report struggling with, I don’t believe a high sensitivity to the world should necessarily be viewed in a negative light, but rather as a divine gift.

For without this quality, their art, script, music or performance might lack a necessary element capable of touching an audience deeply.

 

This might then bring up an important question: Do people create in an attempt to process, and survive, a condition that overwhelms them?

Pearl Buck also mentions, “Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create—so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, their very breath is cut off…They must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency they are not really alive unless they are creating.”

Along with the process of creating, there is perhaps the opportunity to exorcise out the thing that has accumulated and taken hold internally.

Once externalized, a highly sensitive person can finally make sense of the chaos, opening space toward escaping the overwhelming world they battle every day.

he work I do with clients is primarily focused on mapping out, and gaining, a deeper understanding of how an individual processes the world. Together we develop a plan towards building coping mechanisms required to better maintain a healthy equilibrium.

The key is to embrace this sensitivity with compassion and free from judgment of any kind. By then reframing it as a gift, rather than as an obstacle, people immediately grant themselves permission to be who they are freely and without encumbrances.

Putting together a “survival list,” so to speak, consisting of ways to channel overwhelming sensitivity can often serve as a means to cope.

Serving as something like a first-aid kit for the highly sensitive person, the survival list can consist of your choice of art.

That might include long walks, yoga, spending time quietly alone or with a friend, journal writing, or maybe even meditation.

When the creative person has something to fall back on, this can empower him/ or her in better managing high sensitivity as oppose to feeling debilitated by it.

Rather, they productively move forward and continue to focus their efforts into achieving the healthiest and most balanced life possible.

©2008 Lisa A. Riley. All Rights Reserved. This article may not be reproduced or used on other websites without permission.

5 Gifts of Being Highly Sensitive and 5 Curses: An Interview with Douglas Eby

Article by Therese J. Borchard from her blog Beyond Blue.

Today I have the pleasure of interviewing Douglas Eby, M.A./Psychology, who is a writer and researcher on the psychology of creative expression, high ability and personal growth. 

He is creator of the Talent Development Resources series of sites (including HighlySensitive.org) at http://talentdevelop.com. I know many of you are "highly sensitive" and enjoy articles on that topic, so I am excited to pique his highly-sensitive brain today!

Question: If you had to name the top five gifts of being highly sensitive, what would they be?
Douglas: 
 
1. Sensory detail
One of the prominent "virtues" of high sensitivity is the richness of sensory detail that life provides. The subtle shades of texture in clothing, and foods when cooking, the sounds of music or even traffic or people talking, fragrances and colors of nature. All of these may be more intense for highly sensitive people.
Of course, people are not simply "sensitive" or "not sensitive" - like other qualities and traits, it's a matter of degree.
Years ago, I took a color discrimination test to work as a photographic technician, making color prints. The manager said I'd scored better, with more subtle distinctions between hues in the test charts, than anyone he had evaluated.
That kind of response to color makes visual experience rich and exciting, and can help visual artists and designers be even more excellent.

2. Nuances in meaning
The trait of high sensitivity also includes a strong tendency to be aware of nuances in meaning, and to be more cautious about taking action, and to more carefully consider options and possible outcomes.

3. Emotional awareness
We also tend to be more aware of our inner emotional states, which can make for richer and more profound creative work as writers, musicians, actors or other artists.
A greater response to pain, discomfort, and physical experience can mean sensitive people have the potential, at least, to take better care of their health.

4. Creativity
Psychologist Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, estimates about twenty percent of people are highly sensitive, and seventy percent of those are introverted, which is a trait that can also encourage creativity.
As examples, there are many actors who say they are shy, and director Kathryn Bigelow, who recently won an Academy Award, has said, "I'm kind of very shy by nature." The star of her movie The Hurt Locker, Jeremy Renner (who was reportedly shy as a child) has commented that "in social situations she can be painfully shy."

5. Greater empathy
High sensitivity to other people's emotions can be a powerful asset for teachers, managers, therapists and others.

Question: And, if you had to name five curses, what would they be? And how best do we overcome them or co-exist with them?
Douglas: 

1. Easily overwhelmed, overstimulated
The biggest challenge in high sensitivity is probably being vulnerable to sensory or emotional overwhelm. Taking in and processing so much information from both inner and outer worlds can be "too much" at times and result in more pain, fatigue, stress, anxiety and other reactions.
An intriguing neuroscience research study I came across that may explain some of this said people with nervous systems having decreased latent inhibition are more open to incoming stimuli. Which can be a good thing, or not so good.
Actor Amy Brenneman once commented, "I'm too sensitive to watch most of the reality shows. It's so painful for me."
That kind of pain or discomfort can mean we don't choose to experience some things that might actually be fun or enriching. Though I don't mean reality shows.

2. Affected by emotions of others
Another aspect of sensitivity can be reacting to the emotions - and perhaps thoughts - of others. Being in the vicinity of angry people, for example, can be more distressing.
As actor Scarlett Johansson once put it, "Sometimes that awareness is good, and sometimes I wish I wasn't so sensitive."

3. Need lots of space and time to ourselves
We may need to "retreat" and emotionally "refresh" ourselves at times that are not always best for our goals or personal growth. For example, being at a professional development conference, it may not be the most helpful thing to leave a long presentation or workshop in order to recuperate from the emotional intensity of the crowd.

4. Unhealthy perfectionism
There can also be qualities of thinking or analyzing that lead to unhealthy perfectionism, or stressful responses to objects, people or situations that are "too much" or "wrong" for our sensitivities.

5. Living out of sync with our culture
Living in a culture that devalues sensitivity and introversion as much as the U.S. means there are many pressures to be "normal" - meaning extraverted, sociable and outgoing.
Dr. Ted Zeff, author of The Highly Sensitive Person's Survival Guide, points out that other cultures, such as Thailand, have different attitudes, with a strong appreciation of sensitive or introverted people.
Jenna Avery, a "life coach for sensitive souls," counsels people to accept or even pursue being "out of sync" with mainstream society, and be aware of other's judgments of people as too sensitive, too emotional, or too dramatic.
And if we are sensitive, we may use those kinds of judgments against ourselves, and think, as Winona Ryder said she did at one time, "Maybe I'm too sensitive for this world."
Certainly there are extremes of emotions that are considered mood disorders, for example, and should be dealt with as a health challenge.
But "too emotional" or "too sensitive" are usually criticisms based on majority behavior and standards.
Overall, I think being highly sensitive is a trait we can embrace and use to be more creative and aware. But it demands taking care to live strategically, even outside popular values, to avoid overwhelm so we can better nurture our abilities and creative talents.

The Highly Sensitive Child

A highly sensitive child is often bright, articulate, creative, and insightful, easily able to tune into other people and their feelings. 

She may display a deep sense of empathy and compassion for other people. 

Perhaps she is a budding artist, a future novelist. 

And yet, she is also clingy and whiny, sometimes bossy and demanding. 

Sometimes she's all of these at the same time! 

She throws long tantrums over seemingly minor issues - shoes that feel "funny," familiar cereal that suddenly tastes "different." 

She shrieks furiously when you leave her with a babysitter, even one she knows well, grabbing desperately at your legs as you leave. 

Her teachers complain that she is "scattered" and seems to pay attention to too many things at once. 

 

It's no wonder that parents of such youngsters feel frustrated, helpless, angry - under the thumb of a mercurial, moody "prince" or "princess," as some describe their children to me.

To help you understand this child, I will spend the next few blog posts to walk you through how she may look and behave at different stages of development. You may recognize many features of your child. Of course, every child is unique, and you may see only a few similarities. If you are feeling discouraged, rest assured that I will soon discuss ways to approach your child's challenges.

Are You Highly Sensitive? Self-test

A Self-Test

Copyright, Elaine N. Aron, 1996

Instructions: Answer each question according to the way you personally feel. Check if it is at least somewhat true for you; leave unchecked if it is not very true or not at all true for you.

You can choose to do the test online at Elaine Aron's website: http://www.hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

• I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input.
• I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.
• Other people's moods affect me.
• I tend to be very sensitive to pain.
• I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days,into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.
• I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.
• I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells,coarse fabrics,or sirens close by.
• I have a rich,complex inner life.
• I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.
• I am deeply moved by the arts or music.
• My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.
• I am conscientious.
• I startle easily.
• I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time.
• When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable (like changing the lighting or the seating).
• I am annoyed when people try to get me to do too many things at once.
• I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things.
• I make a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows.
• I become unpleasantly aroused when a lot is going on around me.
• Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me,disrupting my concentration or mood.
• Changes in my life shake me up.
• I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art.
• I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once.
• I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations.
• I am bothered by intense stimuli, like loud noises or chaotic scenes.
• When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise.
• When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy. 

Dr Elaine Aron

In my job I meet a lot of very sensitive people.  Most of them sound very surprised when I can sum up what Life feels like to them and can predict their reaction to certain situations.

Well ... I suppose it takes one to know one :-)

It takes some time for people to admit that they are Highly Sensive and even more time to see it a a very valuable aspect of ones Self, a precious bonus, a great asset.

One of the books I enjoyed readingon the subject was The Highly Sensitive Person:
How To Thrive When The World Overwhelms You by Elaine Aron.  Eilaine has a doctoral degree in clinical psychology and is a HSP herself.

According to Dr. Aron's definition, the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.

Additionally, she says, the success of The Highly Sensitive Person is cause for celebration: "We've done it ourselves. And not surprisingly, since we are 15 to 20 percent of the population - that's fifty million in the United States. Highly sensitive people are real, we exist, and we've proven it. That alone is something to celebrate."

Another cause for Aron and her fellow HSPs to celebrate is the acceptance into mainstream psychology of the HSP personality trait.

After numerous in-depth interviews, as well as surveys of over one thousand people, Dr. Aron's findings have been published in Counseling Today, Counseling and Human Development, and the prestigious Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

In defining the Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Aron provides examples of characteristic behaviors, and these are reflected in the questions she typically asks patients or interview subjects:

• Are you easily overwhelmed by such things as bright lights, strong smells, coarse fabrics, or sirens nearby?
• Do you get rattled when you have a lot to do in a short amount of time?
• Do you make a point of avoiding violent movies and TV shows?
• Do you need to withdraw during busy days, into bed or a darkened room or some other place where you can have privacy and relief from the situation?
• Do you make it a high priority to arrange your life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations?
• Do you notice or enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, or works of art?
• Do you have a rich and complex inner life?
• When you were a child, did your parents or teachers see you as sensitive or shy?

Dr. Aron explains that in the past HSPs have been called "shy," "timid," "inhibited," or "introverted," but these labels completely miss the nature of the trait.

Thirty percent of HSPs are actually extraverts. HSPs only appear inhibited because they are so aware of all the possibilities in a situation. They pause before acting, reflecting on their past experiences. If these were mostly bad experiences, then yes, they will be truly shy. But in a culture that prefers confident, "bold" extraverts, it is harmful as well as mistaken to stigmatize all HSPs as shy when many are not.

InThe Highly Sensitive Person, Dr. Aron reframes these stereotyping words and their common application to the HSP in a more positive light and helps HSPs use and view these aspects of their personality as strengths rather than weaknesses.

Sensitivity is anything but a flaw. Many HSPs are often unusually creative and productive workers, attentive and thoughtful partners, and intellectually gifted individuals.

According to Dr. Aron, HSPs could contribute much more to society if they received the right kind of attention - and her national bestseller proves that this 15 to 20 percent of the population is eager to get off on the right foot in asserting their unique personality trait.

The Highly Sensitive Child

As the mother of a High Sensitive Child I know how hard school life can be.  She comes home most days with a screaming headache either from spending 8 hours under TL lamps or on a rainy day, from spending the break times in the covered recreation area with around 100 shouting youngsters.

In a previous post I have told about the work of Elaine Aron.  She's got an absolute great book on the Highly Sensitive Child.  An absolute MUST HAVE.

A highly sensitive child is one of the fifteen to twenty percent of children born with a nervous system that is highly aware and quick to react to everything. This makes them quick to grasp subtle changes, prefer to reflect deeply before acting, and generally behave conscientiously. They are also easily overwhelmed by high levels of stimulation, sudden changes, and the emotional distress of others. Because children are a blend of a number of temperament traits, some HSCs are fairly difficult--active, emotionally intense, demanding, and persistent--while others are calm, turned inward, and almost too easy to raise except when they are expected to join a group of children they do not know. But outspoken and fussy or reserved and obedient, all HSCs are sensitive to their emotional and physical environment.

So your child is highly sensitive, what now?

First, appreciate that this is a wonderful trait. It is no illness or syndrome. Nor is it something new I made up or "just discovered." It is an inborn temperament or style that is found in about twenty percent of children. Anything so persistent is not abnormal. It represents a strategy of taking everything into account before acting (the other, more common innate strategy is to act quickly and be first, then think later). The trait serves an important purpose for the individual sensitive person and for the larger society--for example, sensitive persons sense danger and see the consequences of an action before others do.

Unfortunately, the trait has been somewhat misunderstood in our culture, so that most psychologists and parents tend to see only one aspect of some sensitive children and call this trait shyness, inhibitedness, fearfulness, fussiness, or "hyper" sensitivity. If one could see inside the mind of a sensitive child, however, one would learn the whole story of what is going on--creativity, intuition, surprising wisdom, empathy for others...

But, for all of that to blossom, they absolutely must be raised with understanding. Otherwise, as adults they are prone to depression, anxiety, and shyness.

So, the second "what now" might be to read The Highly Sensitive Child. I wrote this book because so many adults were telling me that their childhoods were excruciatingly difficult, even when their parents had the best intentions, because no one knew how to raise them. Parents and teachers told them there were "too sensitive" or "too shy" or "too intense." They tried to change and could not, and so felt increasingly isolated or ashamed. My hope is to spare some children such unnecessary suffering and the world the waste of so much talent, because HSCs have a tremendous amount to offer the world. But they do need special handling. They need to be appreciated, to have their special needs and sometimes intense reactions and behaviors understood, and, when correction is needed, they need to be handled with special care so that they do not become anxious or ashamed of their failure.

This book is rooted in years of my experience as a psychotherapist and consultant to HSPs and parents of HSCs, plus interviews with parents, teachers, and HSCs themselves for the book. Then there are my experiences from my fumbling efforts to raise an HSC before I knew what that was. And there's what I know from having been an HSC myself.

Again, few parents and teachers understand this trait-–and as a result, HSCs are often mislabeled as "problem children" (and in some cases, misdiagnosed with disorders such as Attention Deficit Disorder). But raised with proper understanding and care, HSCs are no more prone to problems than nonsensitive children and can grow up to be happy, healthy, unusually well-adjusted and creative adults.

Chapters in The Highly Sensitive Child:

1. Sensitivity--
   A Better Light on "Shy" and "Fussy" Children
   Explains the trait thoroughly, including research evidence.
2. Fasten Your Seat Belts--
   The Challenges of Raising an Exceptional Child
   Describes the most likely problems and gets you started solving them.
3. When You the Parent Are Not Highly Sensitive--
   Blessings in Disguise
   Even though this is an innate trait, it often happens that a parent is not highly sensitive but the child is. This chapter shows you how to make that an advantage for both of you.
4. When You and Your Child Are Both Highly Sensitive--
   And What About the Rest of Your Family's Temperament?
   Discusses the advantages and disadvantages of having the same temperament as your child and also considers the temperament of other family members.
5. Four Keys to Raising a Joyous HSC--
   Self-Esteem, Shame-Reduction, Wise Discipline, and Knowing How to Discuss Sensitivity
   Focusing on the most important issues, whatever the age of a child.

The rest of the book is on each stage of raising your sensitive child, with many practical tips as well as research findings on what really works with these particular children.

6. Off to the Right Start--
   Soothing and Attuning to Highly Sensitive Infants
7. Toddlers and Preschoolers at Home--
   Adapting to Change and Dealing with Overstimulation
8. Toddlers and Preschoolers Out in the World--
   Helping Them Feel Successful in New Situations
9. School-Age HSCs--
   Resolving Problems at Home
10. School-Age HSCs--
    Helping Your Child Enjoy the Classroom and Social Life
11. Sensitive Adolescents and Young Adults--
    The Delicate Task of Launching a Spirited, Seaworthy Vessel

• Tips for Teachers (you can give them to your child's teacher).

Book Review

A Whole New Mind: Why Right-Brainers Will Rule the Future

By Daniel H. Pink

Review by Todd Hagler (aka Seeker)       Original Post: June 7, 2009

 

I don’t know if Daniel Pink has ever heard of the highly sensitive person (HSP); but I do know he’s created a guide for non-HSPs that can help them develop more HSP-like awareness.  

A Whole New Mind is a long-running New York Times and BusinessWeek bestseller that has been translated into eighteen languages.

Written for the business world, A Whole New Mind argues the future belongs to a different kind of person with a different kind of mind: designers, inventors, teachers, and storytellers–creative and emphatic “right-brain” thinkers. Sound familiar?

A Whole New Mind is a light-hearted approach to a very serious change that is taking place in the world. Drawing on a variety of research, Pink outlines six fundamentally human abilities he believes are essential to professional success and personal fulfillment in what he calls the “Conceptual Age.” 

Gone is the age of “left-brain” dominance. As the title suggests, the future requires a “whole” new mind where “right-brain” qualities will be needed to flourish.

As an HSP, you’ll be encouraged by the book’s premise. Perhaps Pink’s Conceptual Age will be a time when it will be easier to be an HSP. An age when we’ll not only gain a little understanding, but enjoy a higher value both professionally and personally.

After outlining his idea and making a case for the forces that are driving the change, Pink defines the six essential abilities needed to succeed in the Conceptual Age: Design, Story, Symphony, Empathy, Play, and Meaning. Each of these “Six Senses” is given its own chapter; then at the end of each chapter is a portfolio–a collection of tools, exercises, and further readings to help sharpen that particular sense.

To me, it’s these portfolio sections that are most interesting. They take A Whole New Mind beyond the traditional business book and make it ” The Non-HSPs Guide to Thinking Like an HSP.”

If you’re an HSP, read it to be encouraged. Then share it with the non-HSPs in your life to give them some insight into what it’s like to be you.

Pink has authored a trio of bestselling books on the changing world of work, including Free Agent Nation: The Future of Working for Yourself and his latest, The Adventures of Johnny Bunko: The Last Career Guide You’ll Ever Need.

You can order them from Amazon via this link.

The Joys and Pitfalls of Being an Empath

Today I offer you an article by Sylvia Brallier

Being an Empath is a Double Edged Sword

Can you feel what others around you are feeling? Are you sensitive to your surroundings? When you lay your hands on someone, do your hands know right where to go to help that person? Perhaps you are an empath.

 

Curse or Blessing?

Being an empath is a double edged sword. It can be both a curse and a blessing. On one hand, you have the ability to intuit exactly what you need to do to make someone comfortable. On the other, it is easy to lose track of what you need, because you are so accustomed to caring for other's comfort before caring for your own. You have easy access to information about what is going on with the people around you, but sometimes it is hard to know your own mind.

Some people would love to learn how to be more empathic, while others would love to learn how to retain the best parts of that skill, while managing the more difficult aspects. this article will help you with both things.

 

An Empath Can Be a Real Chameleon

I have this theory that people become empaths as a way to stay safe in their world. If you know what those around you are feeling, then you know how to adjust what you say and do to make them comfortable so that they are safer people to be around, both emotionally and physically. An empath can be a real chameleon, shifting tone of voice, conversation styles, body posture, and choice of tactics and actions to help the people that are around them to feel more at ease. The problem with this is that they often lose track of what is actually authentic and true for themselves.

 

Self Care or Self Detriment?

Empaths tend to care take their environment as a way to care take themselves. This is a pretty roundabout way of doing self care. Doing or saying something that will make someone else angry or sad is uncomfortable for an empath, so that they often avoid confrontation in order to avoid feeling other people's uncomfortable emotions. It is easy for them to lose track of the fact that they themselves are feeling uncomfortable.

I know first hand, because I am an empath. It has been both a gift and has exacted many painful lessons from me. I could never be the healer I am today without having been an empath. When I lay my hands on a person, I can tell almost right away what emotions are lodged in that person's body, what issues they are dealing with, and sometimes, even what they are thinking. On the other side of the coin, there have been times in my life where I was not true to myself because of the needs and the emotions of others, often greatly to my detriment.

So what are we to do about this quandary?

There are several things that I have found essential practices in my path to take advantage of the psychic gifts, and lessen the problems of being an empath.If you are in dount as what to do, please come and make an appointment for a FLOW test.

HSP in relationships

Here are some thoughts when it comes to relationships.

First, a suggestion: Take it slowly.

We'll say it again, because we think it's that important. Take it  slowly!

One thing we've hear over and over again is that some Highly Sensitive People have a habit of moving their romantic relationships along a little too fast. It seems that women who are highly sensitive may be harmed by this more than highly sensitive men, but they aren't immune, either.

We think it's probably because people with the trait of high sensitivity are so often very intuitive and they feel a new relationship is "right" and may tend to get intimate (sexually) too quickly.

Unfortunately, often times "Mr. or Ms. Right" turns out to really be "Mr. or Ms. Wrong." And, when highly sensitive people move their relationships along too quickly and get intimate too soon, and because of hormone Oxytocin, younger women and older men often find themselves "bonded" to a not-so-nice person.

We hope this has never happened to you, but if you've "been there and done that" you know what we're talking about.

So please pass on any tips you have on this subject.

The HSP Subcultures

It's possible that some HSPs will fit into more than one category, and some will not fit into any category.

A brief explanation of these HSP subcultures, the tasks they each face, and the gifts they have to offer are below:

The Social Justice/Activist HSP
Deeply moved to action by injustices whether upon people or the environment. Usually dedicated to many causes to improve human and earthly conditions...view new paradigms for a new world.
Challenges: Being overwhelmed with too many causes, not finding like-minded support groups to work with, feeling isolated, and perhaps feeling judgmental of others.
Tasks: To find support, choose causes wisely, and realize that small changes do make a difference. Avoid burn out.

HSP Physical Reactor
HSPs who are unusually physically reactive to certain foods, noise, lights, stress. Physical reactions may include allergies, sweaty palms, nervousness, nausea, migraine headaches.
Challenges: Creating, seeking, or finding supportive environments which honor your physical sensitivities.
Task: Devoting investigative time to determine what triggers physical reactions and what alleviates the reactions. Accepting that not all people will understand these reactions.

Reserved Intellectual HSP
Usually introverts with keen intellect. May appear arrogant, but may not necessarily be that way.
Challenges: Finding ways and motivations to develop intellect and to share oneself and one's gifts with others and the world.
Tasks: Avoiding isolation, and learning to accept others of 'different' intellect. Reaching out, becoming involved.

Creative/Artistic HSP
Those HSPs who need to create and manifest their ideas or visions. Medium may be music, drama, art, ideas, books, poetry, painting, etc.
Challenges: Accepting, honoring and understanding the creative process and finding a medium for this expression.
Tasks: Learning how to manifest creative urges, finding support, education and time to create. Patience, perseverance.

The HSP Healer
Medical doctors and alternative healers who are unusually intuitive using their gifts to offer healing to others. Alternative healing modalities may be Reiki, massage, medical intuitive, etc.
Challenge: Accepting one's gifts and finding expression for them.
Task: Finding support and encouragement from like minded individuals and learning to trust your own gifts and use them appropriately.

Empowered Priestly Advisor
Evidenced by energetic, purposeful and spiritual direction in their lives.
Challenges: Taking on too many causes and expecting others to think like them. Periods of loss of faith or "dark nights of the soul."
Tasks: Finding support and like-minded individuals to work with. Avoiding burn-out. Accepting small change as progress.

The HSP in Transition
The person who has just discovered the trait of high sensitivity. May feel alone, misunderstood, judged, and may also feel relief at knowing about the trait.
Challenges: Self-identify, reframing, healing from past negativity about trait. Must learn to set boundaries and assert new self.
Tasks: Taking time to investigate the trait, set new boundaries, practice new coping skills.

The Core Issue HSP
The HSP from a traumatic, troubled and sometimes abandoned childhood. May have suffered from some type of abuse.
Challenge: Healing from past traumas, learning to integrate the HSP trait in a positive way.
Task: Reaching out for help, staying committed to 'recovery,' finding new kinds of support, friendship and community to be part of.

The Introverted Intellectual HSP
Somewhat different from the "Reserved Intellectual HSP" in that this HSP is drawn either to the scientific fields of inquiry (The Thinker) or to the psycho-spiritual fields of study (The Feeler) (or both?).
Challenges: Self-identity, reframing, and perhaps readjusting to a new HSP self.
Tasks: Finding ways for self-expression and to share gifts with others and the world. Avoiding isolation. Accepting others who are 'different' from them.

The Wise, Saintly HSP
The Mother Teresas of the world. Supreme devotion to serve a higher spiritual calling.
Challenge: Finding unique expression for your calling.
Task: Avoid isolation, burn out. Learn to practice self-care.

The Caregivers and Guardians of Childhood, the Elderly, and the Dying
Those who find caring for children, the elderly and the dying come naturally. They have a unique ability to serve those with special needs.
Challenges: Finding support and structure to provide unique kind of care.
Task: Finding time away from caring and giving to others. Practicing self-care. Learning not to 'care and give' too much - usually at their own expense.

         The Calloused, Unrecognized HSP
         The HSP who has either ignored traits of sensitivity, or who were never given the gift of          
         knowledge about the trait. May appear unfeeling, scornful or contemptuous, usually not capable
         of being in loving, reciprocal relationships. (We might see our parents in this subculture?)
         Challenges: Becoming knowledgeable about the trait of high sensitivity is a major break
         through for the Calloused HSP.
         Tasks: Avoiding becoming embittered, sick, dysfunctional, addicted to drugs or alcohol. Must
         be willing to find appropriate intervention to begin long process of healing.

Highly Sensitive of Hyper Sensitive

Being hypersensitive could be described as being allergic to life.

For the highly sensitive person (HSP) a seemingly ordinary day can be overwhelming. Even the most subtle of stimulants a person encounters on a daily basis can be over-stimulating. Energies associated with touch, noise, scent, light, etc. are often too quickly or deeply absorbed by the HSP. As a result, the HSP may become mentally confused, emotionally upset, and/or physically uncomfortable. Hypersensitivity is also associated with a heightened sense of awareness and intuition. This makes being a HSP or empath a two-way street.

I have always known that my daughter was a Highly Sensitive person but only last night did I come to realize there must be different gradients to Highly Sensitive. She must be an extra-Highly Sensitive or a Sensitive XXL.

Last night she told me she could tell who’d been in the bathroom before her by the smell of their urine!!! ?????

Then it all fell into place.

When I give her a friendly stroke on her bottom when I walk past she asks me to stop smacking her.
Raising my voice to tell her off is screaming. Punishing is chastising. Making a joke about her is bullying. Touching her body is rape.

The stories of the past few months just suddenly all fell into place as well as her anger: “No one believes me mum. They all say I am a liar. They say I make things up. That I live in cloud cuckoo land. They all hate me, the call me an impostor, a bitch. Why can no one believe me. I am telling the truth. I don’t want to go on like this any more”.

So the only way out for her is suicide.

And it makes me think …

Belgium has one of the highest rates of teenage suicides in the western world. How many of these children are like my daughter? Hyper sensitive. Poppies, so beautiful but ever so delicate.
And how unbelievably, unthinkably cruel the world must be to them. How utterly painful.
How desperate they must feel when all they tell is the truth yet NO ONE believes them.

Or on the contrary. People not being Highly Sensitive translate what they hear to their view of the world and act accordingly. Bringing in social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, affirming what the child already fears: I am ABNORMAL. I am different than the other kids in my class. There is something REALLY WRONG with me.

Phylameana lila Desy says: Life can become manageable for the HSP. There are a number of ways the HSP can protect himself from harmful energies that interfere with the joys life can offer. Although avoidance may seem like the best response, it really is the worst action to take. Becoming a recluse, choosing to avoid encountering harmful stimuli is not the answer. The point of living on the planet is to evolve your soul/personality. Spiritual growth is nearly impossible to do without involvement and contact with other people. This means that anyone with a sensitive nature must learn how to survive out in the world amidst energies (or energy drains) that are problematic to them.

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? A Hyper Sensitive?

What have you done to SURVIVE this world me live in?

What tips do you have to help Hyper Sensitive Children like my daughter?