maandag 19 november 2012

A Love Note to the “Hyper-Sensitive” and “Takers-of-it-Too-Personally”

Today I would love to share a beautiful blog posting by Randy Buckley from het blog page on :

A Love Note to the “Hyper-Sensitive” and “Takers-of-it-Too-Personally”

by Randi
This post is inspired by a Facebook query and conversation with the deeply insightful and thoughtful, Erika Harris.  If this speaks to you, I encourage you to check out her website and gorgeous offerings. Thank you Erika for your grace and bright light.  

They say:  You’re too sensitive.  You take it too personally.  You’re thin-skinned.  You need to toughen up.

I hear: I have no idea how in touch with the world you are, nor can I grasp the depths of your empathy, from which I benefit. It’s like you can see colors that are naked to my eye.  You carry the awareness of others, of those far away, those unseen, in your heart on behalf of us all.  You are the torchbearer of the forgotten.  You bear the weight of other’s pain so they have a lifeline into the rest of humanity.  You are a barometer for how we are doing as a species.  I can’t imagine the space you hold for others to show up and feel cared for and acknowledged even when no one else can see that it’s you doing this.  You take on my share of pain when my words sting you.  You bear witness so that we know, so we cannot forget.  Your mere presence is equanimity.  Your energy is generously used in service of your ability to intuit and sense even the most subtle change in weather, perspective, mind or heart.  I’m not aware that your sensitivity can cause you physical pain.  You are a canary in the coal mine of our culture, and are wrecked by violent movies, news of pain, and mistreatment of fellow humans, animals, and the earth.  If I knew the depths of your consideration I’d be humbled and inspired.  I didn’t see or have the consideration that you are a gift and could be treasured.  Your light is omnipresent.  I don’t know to pay attention.  I don’t understand, even though I am the beneficiary of your grace. 

I say:  Thank you, friend.  Rest and take care.  We need you.

maandag 5 november 2012

Feeling like a victim

How highly sensitive people can become victims and what they can do to stop
Photo by nirrimi

In an earlier post, I wrote about the vulnerability of highly sensitive people to negative types of people, like narcissists. Because of their compassionate and empathetic nature, many HSPs unwittingly attract people who will use the HSP for their own gain and consequently drain the energy out of them in the process. When this kind of relationship becomes a pattern, it is all too easy for the HSP to take on the role of victim.

Assuming the victim role is not a natural or inevitable consequence of being highly sensitive, but it is a common one. Highly sensitive people are often misunderstood and misinterpreted as being socially anxious, depressed, insecure or possessing any number of other issues. When you are constantly being told that you are too shy, too reserved, too quiet and too sensitive, you begin to think there is something wrong with you. And when other people begin to take advantage of your sensitive nature, you can easily begin to feel like a victim.

But thinking of oneself as a victim is often a belief we’re not consciously aware of. Feelings of self-doubt, and believing that we somehow deserve the treatment we’re receiving, however unpleasant, often stems from childhood. A repeated belief in oneself as deserving of some kind of victimhood is usually the result of actual victimisation at an earlier stage, such as facing a bully at school or a controlling parent at home. After many years of mistreatment or even misunderstanding, the victim mentality becomes ingrained to the degree that people begin to believe it, even when they are not even aware of it.

Thinking of oneself as a victim is not only bad for your self-esteem, it’s also destructive to your relationships. People who are mired in victimhood expect to be treated badly, which means that they will become attracted to anyone who wants to use or abuse them and will actually feel uncomfortable around someone who treats them with unconditional love, simply because it feels so unfamiliar.

So how does a person who is highly sensitive to their environment and to the feelings of others protect themselves not only from the malevolent intentions of narcissists, but from the negative victim belief that increasingly develops in their own mind? Here are a few first steps:
• Recognise the words in your mind that repeat themselves, such as ‘I don’t deserve any better’ or ‘I’m such a loser’
• When you hear those familiar phrases in your mind, remember that they were probably spoken to you by someone who was suffering themselves, and didn’t know the real you
• Recognise that none of those negative things about you are true – you were told lies but now you now the truth – you are a kind, compassionate person who deserves unconditional love
• Stop accepting anyone who talks to you negatively or treats you badly.
• Create a new belief system for yourself, beginning with the belief that you are not a victim

It is the beliefs in our subconscious mind that often control our behaviours, actions, decisions and choices in life. If you suspect that you have been treated like a victim, take the first step by refusing to act like a victim any more. You don’t have to be angry, but you do need to stop beleiving the negative talk in your head. Once you do that and start thinking of yourself in a more positive way, your life will begin to change for the better and the narcissists will stop beating a path to your door. All they will find is a door that won’t open to anything but kindness.